I love my therapist, and it’s gonna suck if I have to find a new one. 😦 Today we discussed various types of co-dependancy issues I have, as well as a means to describe and re-set my boundaries at work and at Casa do GB. It was good to get everything off my chest, literally and at least tell someone everything that has been going through my head. But the truth is there, I need to find a means to explain to someone, with language barriers, my dual nature and why I’m allowed to do the stuff at the house I’m allowed to do. I realized going into this, that there was going to be a culture clash, of sorts, and here it is. My Professore allows me the freedom given to the male members of the team. I get to arrive to and leave the house at my choosing, whether someone is there or not. I’m one of the guys. The new guys don’t quite get this, because it seems this is something that girls aren’t allowed to do, unless it’s a girlfriend or a wife, and when they do, they aren’t part of the “men’s space”. It’s really starting to make me wish that things could go back to the way they were before pan-ams. I don’t feel like I’m one of the guys anymore, I feel like I’m being segregated out to the girl’s space. I don’t like it, especially that I have this distinct dis-like for girls.
We also talked about my ability to let things go, and we set up a course of action to help me achieve the level of disconnect from things that I want. He recommended I take a vacation from the boys, which, I’ve been doing this week, and start setting up my boundaries, as needed. I have a list of things to do, to do that, and once I’m ready to head back to the house I’ll start putting those into place.
I also have a better idea on how to slowly disconnect myself from people so they can solve their own problems. I’ve realized that I’ve become an enabler, of sorts, in a few capacities, and it’s time that I put the limits on doing that.
With that said, I think the trip to the mountains with the guys this weekend will be good. I get out in my natural habitat, and they have to deal with my separation from them. It’s veil-walking time.