I’m a keeper of secrets. I hold the trust keys of friends, as the safety box for their soul. It takes a toll sometimes, but it brings me happiness to be able to look at my friends, and know more about them because I can see how they tick, I can explore them and myself, finding amazing things to appreciate and respect about those who call me a friend.

I also keep secrets that some don’t know I know. My training gives me the chance to see deeper, past daily actions, seeing the unsaid. The motivations remain theirs, but the existence is still held by me.

These things are held tight, by me. If one wonders, I send them away to the one they asked about. Nothing given.

My only issue is when I know I need to step-in and assist. It’s a roadblock sometimes, other times it’s a brick wall. Explaining the issue to those I trust becomes complicated, not giving a full explanation, trying to rationalize my own feelings and thoughts on the situation. This is the side-effect of what I am, I’m learning to live with it, and learning to let go when I have to, regardless the pain. My Dad always said I was trying to save the world, I’m finally learning that it’s too big for me, but at least I’m trying to live in it now.

Now that I have a bit o’ time to talk about it, least for the general original thoughts, nothing in depth – about my “vacation”. Of course, horrid drive up and back down to J’ville, but once up there I can say that nothing is better than being half awake and attending a class on breathwork that succeeds in 3 small orgasms, at 9am. Yeah, TMI, deal with it, I went to bed at 7 this morning, got up an hour ago.

Got to hang out with one of my netfriends last night/this morning. Once we can get past the general “I have no clue how to act around you”, should be cool. It was amusing to watch the roommates and odd visitors that showed up, drunken Navy boys are hilarious. And now that I’ve met a cool Navy boy (besides spy_isis‘s Squid), I guess _gothfather_ is right, I’m now a one-woman USO.

And oh yes, I promise to go through my picture CDs this week and get the numbers on those out. Promise, promise. And eventually, I will have those new galleries up.

Scorpio for this week:

The python is your power animal right now, Scorpio. It’s renowned for eating large meals. By stretching its jaws, it can devour an entire deer or crocodile in one sitting, providing enough nutrition for as long as a year. Somewhat like the python, you’re now in position to ingest a huge amount of food for thought–a banquet of rich and tasty revelations. The feast will take months to digest, and will be a continual source of nourishment the entire time.

Hey poisongirl, maybe this is why your girls were so active while I was there. *eg*

Taking a break from my conference. The first two sessions were awesome, both were about sexual energy, channeling and directing. The first one, was mainly about developing the internal arousal within the self, I think quite a few of the exercises will benefit me in the long-term. The second one was a combo of Thai Yoga, Tantra Yoga, and Yoga in general. It was awesome. We started out with simple ugai breathwork, then coupled it with nested Namaste. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve merged with someone, and a complete stranger, nonetheless. Just amazing to have that feeling for the first time, feeling the body melt away and become just a ball of energy. My partner for the time had the same experience, it was awesome. I’m going to skip the next session and hit the last two for the evening, one is the follow-up to the Yogawork. I definitely feel that this was a good thing for me to come to now. If anything, it’ll give me the tools to break out of my shell a bit more. Slight piece by piece breaking down and crumbling away. I’m starting to feel like my old self again, only better. And it gives me another avenue of exploration, in regards to the classwork I’ve been wanting to develop, so walkingbear, we might have something to talk about for a Border’s night – or a Guinness night, given the topic.

Ok, I’m safely in my non-king sized room, connected via a wire to the net (don’t ask). Anyway, WTF is up with these god-awful tolls up here? Seriously, is there a reason why I need to pay $10.00 to use a Federally funded highway? Not to mention the rudeness I met when I asked if they took credit cards. I got, “No, you don’t have any cash?” To which I reply, “Sorry, I’m from GA, we don’t believe in toll roads that cost this much. And I wasn’t expecting to hit a toll road on my way up, it’s not mentioned until you get to it on the actual road, ain’t on my map.” Of course, the 5 minutes of pissiness was resolved in seeing the “Our Lady of the Highways [insert western version of Catholicism here]. On top of that, I hit BlueBall Avenue on the PA side of the state line, cracked me up. Too bad that didn’t last long. Almost ran out of gas, because this city doesn’t believe in gas stations, but I’m ok now.

Now, for last night….vielen Dank to mrpoisongirl and poisongirl for taking me “out on the town” last night for the oogling of the much hotness that is a former platoon. I’ve found my target, and hopefully the mail I send will result in something back. *eg* I’ve discovered a weakness for strawberry blondes. *sigh*

In other news, I miss my lovers. I keep calling my Scotsman, because I can, wish I could call my Zoomie, but he’s got the weekend off, so I won’t be able to talk to him till Monday. 😛

My meetings went great! I love it. My official title is Director of Scheduling and Therapy Development. How’s that for fancy? I’ll have to do a phone post so you all can hear my “you will show up on time, you will call within the appropriate amount of time should you not be able to make your shift…” It’s great, my Scotsman got a giggle in hearing it on Tuesday and I’m sure my Zoomie will love it, too. Anyway, time to relax now, and finish catching up on LJ.

Well, the drive up was pretty good. It felt really odd to have to park at a gas station (in the middle of no-where mind you), with 5 other people to sleep. But I’m here, I swear, last night when I got back from the shoot, I looked like I was strung out on something. My eyes were so bloodshot they hurt. In fact, I fell asleep in the middle of L&O! How bad is that? Thankfully, it’s tivo’d at home and I can watch it then. I haven’t checked my mail yet, guess I should. Shoot went well, it was odd, but it went well and I’m sure I’ve got some good portfolio pics for it. It’s a live ‘n learn process. I miss snuggling up to my Scotsman, and I miss chatting it up with my Zoomie. This is the only ugly part of my travel schedule, but hopefully, the AF will fix their issue and I will be reconnected there by the time I get to my conference.

I think I’ll go back to bed here soon.

Scorpio this week:

Happy Valentine Daze, Scorpio! The three love offerings I have might be a challenge for you to receive in the same generous spirit with which I’m giving them. Nevertheless, the astrological omens suggest this is one of those rare times when you can truly benefit from their bracing advice. So here are my gifts, starting with an insight from author Zora Neale Hurston: “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” Your second oracle comes from writer James Baldwin: “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” My third offering is from novelist Iris Murdoch: “Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.”

FreeWill Astrology

Ok. Well, here’s my take….Love makes you do stupid things that you’d never consider doing otherwise. Love is a sweet torture that can devour the weak-willed. And last but not least….Love can make you blind.

Not that I’m cynical about love, I wallow in it as much as possible (as most of you have noticed), but I despise Val’s Day. But I will say this, for this time of year….Why spend one day being sweet and romantic to a lover, when you have 364 other days to show it as well? And plus, it makes getting into nice restaurants, like my fav, a pain in the fucking ass.