Ok, since I promised it, here’s the first installation in the whole “celtic perspective ala lara” project….

the history

I’ve found something interesting, I put myself into an altered state when I go for my walks in Piedmont. It’s so cool. I’ve decided that after my walks, I’m going to sit down, meditate, then write, before I leave the park. Today was interesting. I had to go a different route because there’s some event that’ll be happening this evening, but I noticed a small path where there were steps heading up for about 5 feet, then a dirt trail. It was one of those passing glimpses, nothing major important. Next time, I’m going to walk by and contemplate a bit. The concept of a short flight of stairs, up into the brush, then into the wilderness (not how it really looks, but the concept will work better for me). Morrigan was out today, her breath blowing across the park in full force. In my post-walk meditation, I called to her and welcomed her. The wind blew harder, with a voice saying, “thanks”. The trees were thrilled that she was present, branches shaking, shedding the dead leaves and changing the colours of the still-living ones. They welcome the rest from this past sun-year. They’ve received too much for them to use right now, so they are looking for the rest to absorb all that has been given. Making slow use of it for the next year, which brings everything, or nothing. We had lots of water this year. That’s good for the land, but we got too much, the winter will be very needed to prepare for next year. I feel more energy. I’m happy.

Camping part I Thursday:

Not much happened, got to put up a tent, get the campsite all set-up and come up with dreams of what I want it to look like. My Scotsman had to go to work that evening (fucking CNN), but I’m very greatful he came up with me to help set-up the site and get everything secured. That night was ritual. OMFGs! I was nervous about having so many different people, and so many different people with different ideas about what a Druid ritual would involve, and not enough of them showed up to the pre-ritual discussion. As I said the other day, most of them weren’t expecting whiskey as the fires of life, which was funny. In the pre-pre-ritual discussion, we had considered recognizing the Morrigan because it is coming her time. Well, we didn’t recognize her personally, but she did show up! And I felt her! Oh gods it absolutely kicked ass!!!!! The winds picked up, and the fire just took off, I spent 5 minutes staring into the fire. I saw the energy, crackling to be released, and bits/pieces of the woods flying off into the winds. I saw myself, locked in a piece of wood, waiting for the fire to hit the bark, releasing me to the winds to fly everywhere! That is what I need, to release myself, explore, fly away into the winds and see where they take me. I will be able to grow from that small ash that deposits in the dirt, and nourishes the seeds beneath during the cold winter. I love this!!!!!!!!!!

Camping part I Thursday:

Not much happened, got to put up a tent, get the campsite all set-up and come up with dreams of what I want it to look like. My Scotsman had to go to work that evening (fucking CNN), but I’m very greatful he came up with me to help set-up the site and get everything secured. That night was ritual. OMFGs! I was nervous about having so many different people, and so many different people with different ideas about what a Druid ritual would involve, and not enough of them showed up to the pre-ritual discussion. As I said the other day, most of them weren’t expecting whiskey as the fires of life, which was funny. In the pre-pre-ritual discussion, we had considered recognizing the Morrigan because it is coming her time. Well, we didn’t recognize her personally, but she did show up! And I felt her! Oh gods it absolutely kicked ass!!!!! The winds picked up, and the fire just took off, I spent 5 minutes staring into the fire. I saw the energy, crackling to be released, and bits/pieces of the woods flying off into the winds. I saw myself, locked in a piece of wood, waiting for the fire to hit the bark, releasing me to the winds to fly everywhere! That is what I need, to release myself, explore, fly away into the winds and see where they take me. I will be able to grow from that small ash that deposits in the dirt, and nourishes the seeds beneath during the cold winter. I love this!!!!!!!!!!

I just got back from grove discussion about this weekend’s ritual at festival. It was fairly interesting because my priestess wants to sit down and talk with me about my relationship with the gods and my understanding of them. She said I seemed to be asking them more often than not. I didn’t realize I came off as doing that in the religious realm, even though I know I do that in my personal life. Reason being, we’re gods, we don’t need to ask anything. It has resonated with me, especially lately. I feel weak, I feel needy, I feel disconnected from things. In my outside persona, I’m fairly egotistcal and can back it up, but inside, I’m that little kitten that still needs its mum to sustain its life. I haven’t matured enough to go running off to town and devour a few people on my own. I can remember a time when I could easily do that. Maybe it’s my own life’s failures that have disillusioned me, maybe it’s life’s lessons that have changed my perspective. Either way, I need to get back to who I was. It has been a road that I’ve been trying to get back on, but I find I keep detouring off it. I thought about it on my way home, and realized that was my main reason for being so attracted to the Marine. He was so sure of himself, he’d earned that pride and it ran through his veins, not just worn on his skin. Right now, it’s only skin deep on me, it needs to run deeper. I’ll definitely start working on that.

Ok, I’m reading this book on shapeshifting for the modern world. I can’t recall the name of it, so if you want that, you’ll have to email me to get it….anyway, one of the concepts in there is that it’s not a matter of becoming, so much as it’s a matter of being. One example was that of a girl who’s dream it was, was to be a dancer. She’d try-out, and try-out, but never make a dance troupe. She lamented her problem to the local shaman/priest-healer (in Africa), and he asked her to dance for him. She did, and he asked if she danced every night, she said she did, and he said he saw a beautiful dancer before him, and if she already danced every night, then she was a dancer. Why would she need someone else to confirm what she already was, and by rejecting her, was rejecting what she already was. In regards to shapeshifting, the point is that, in order to take on the appearance of whatever shape you wish to shift to, you must be that shape, not become that shape. The same could be applied to every day life, don’t become the person you wish to be, be that person. It’s definitely a perspective shift, more than it’s a shape shift. It’s something I’m going to be working with more, given that I used to walk through a conservative university campus in all my gothy glory, and not have anyone bug me, or look at me because I didn’t want them to. I wasn’t trying to be invisible, as much as I was seeing them as invisible. I think that’s a bit contrary to what I’ve been trying to say, but hey, it happens. 🙂

I watched the most gorgeous lightening show tonight over Kennesaw, and as discussion ended the wind began to blow the most comforting and loving breeze I’ve felt in a long time. It called me to sit and absorb, something I haven’t done in a while, everything it could give. And I have come away in peace. It was amazing. There are no other words to describe it.

In other, other news, I’m almost done with another CD compilation that may or may not be heard. I have one thing to fix tomorrow and it will be completely done. I’m quite happy with it, because it gives me something that allows me to go inside myself for over an hour and explore all the sadness that resides at my core.

I’m almost done reading my book on shape-shifting. It had an interesting concept in there today, which I absolutely adore, and goes with the borderline suicidal thoughts I’ve been having. “Death is a shape-shift.” Wonderful concept.

On that note, I also made a formal declaration that I am a daughter of the Morrigu (among other gods), but she is one that I’m planning on meditating on in the coming months. I believe that was on the wind tonight. It’s always been there, in my face. In fact, she was one of the deities I requested blessings from several years ago, sitting in that labyrinth, escaping the spanking (literally) of the Clueless Wunderkind.

I’m awaking to that which is in me, and I seek to revel in it. It is beautiful. That darkness, inside, is comfort, it is knowledge, it is love, it is rage, it is sadness, but it is me. It is time to open up to me and display what I am.

My music is going to be great, I see it already and I am willing to envelop myself in it. Beware.

So, given that I can’t talk much about last night, I just want to say it was absolutely amazing. I’m still absorbing my new status and how everything is going to affect me in the future. I gained several new gifts, one in particular was a beautiful sword. I was told what kind it was, but I’ve forgotten the name because it was just an additional thing to absorb. I’ll ask again later and hopefully that will sink in. I also got a wonderful new book and several other things that will make my room something special. Speaking of, I plan on heading over to my Scotsman’s house around 5ish to start scraping again. On this day, I have 25 days to move out, so I definitely must get my ass in gear.