Freakchylde's

In taking about 24-hours to think about it, I’ve come up with a few things that have been contributing to my emotional rollercoaster, of late.
1) I haven’t been going to kickboxing for a couple of weeks due to a separated shoulder.

2) The fact that my other shoulder is starting to separate and I still have a nice sharp shooting pain down the original separation.

3) I with-held saying the words “Goodbye, I’m going to miss you.” because an agreement gave me more time to say it. That day has come and gone, and I still haven’t had the chance to get those words out. And he’s gone.

4) At both my jobs (with leeway at one), I’m required to smile, look happy, give people what they want and deal with their bullshit. In massage, it’s not hard, because that’s when I’m doing my life’s work – helping people who are making the effort to help themselves. The issue is when I get the B.S. stuff, the small stuff (like a $1 tip for a 20 minute work-up). Seriously, tip or don’t tip. I’d rather get no tip than be handed a $1. The co-worker from hell on Friday nights isn’t helping any, either. He seems to expect everything to be given to him, and acts as though he’s in competition with me for “the most knowledgable and competent Therapist” award. If I wanted to compete with someone, I’d still be a gymnast, and I’d still kick his ass. But I’m not, therefore I don’t feel like it.
The store is totally different. I had taken up a morning/evening ritual to allow me to let things roll off me. That’s kinda run by the way-side, and the issues at the store are coming at me from all sides. It’s not just the customers anymore, it’s the energy/emotion vamp I work with, who insists on making a big deal out of everything. And I’m the middle man. I’m the “even-tempered” one who sees both sides, but she just makes excuses when I point out everything she does, in the small words she understands. Nobody is happy there, and she’s not leaving anytime soon.

5) I was given an instrument of destruction and I used it to destroy something. I was told to stop, when I really needed to get it all out. The intention was not to add to things, but given my state of mind, that’s how it was chalked up. Then had things pointed out, in a style that insinuated I “should have known that”, even if the tone wasn’t intended to be taken that way, either.

6) I’m in lots of pain, all over, not just my shoulders. I’m tired, seriously fatigued, and I don’t feel like having everything dumped on me. I’ve been doing real well at socially being me, but lately it’s taken a turn for the worse. I’ve been snappy at work, being a bit too vocal about my thoughts, being too open about things I shouldn’t be open about. I’ve enjoyed coming out of my shell, and now it’s being side-tracked.