Freakchylde's

Ok, since I promised it, here’s the first installation in the whole “celtic perspective ala lara” project….

i wasn’t brought up in a religious family, we had the family bible with various flowers pressed between its pages, but we rarely went to church. both my parents were scientists and believed that god would be best taught outside, than inside a church where the constant reminder of eternal damnation was present. my gram, dad’s side, was a folk woman from the old world. not that she wasn’t of this country, because she was born here, but she came from a time where the superstitions were still in full force and from a part of the country that wasn’t the civilization of the east coast. combine that, with the fact that her father was an irish immigrant who married the daughter of a native indian and european immigrant. anyway, i’ve always had a strong connection with my gram, even though we never spent much time together. it was through her that i had my spiritual connection across the pond to the island you run into before you hit england. top that off, she was a farmer and the owner of my family’s homestead in the desolate area of stephenville, tx. which meant that our year, when we were on the farm, went by the agri-calendar, turning of the seasons, getting the fields planted, sending the cows off to slaughter, harvesting the crops. for most of my life, i gave lip-service to the bible that was in my house. i read it, several times, went to church a couple of times, but never really ‘knew’ what it was all about. it didn’t speak to me, at all. what did speak to me were the animals outside, sitting in the coup with the geese, nursing a duckling back to health after a run-in with the neighbor’s dog. knowing instinctively what to do, and how to handle them.

around jr high, a friend and i decided that there was a name for our beliefs and went in search of it. we spent hours in bookstores and libraries looking into different books. i don’t recall which book i picked up that mentioned anything celtic, in fact, i think it was picking up a scarf a friend of my brother’s gave him – glasgow celtics. somehow it rang to me, odd, yes, but hey, so is everything else in my life. so i started taking more of an interest in my celtic cross collection, mum noticed and bought me my first book on irish myths and legends, archeological history, and general history. i wrote a paper on the technology of the mainland celts for my jr thesis in h.s., first read Morgan LLwyellyn’s Druids and Bard and became familiar with the Milesians, Amergin, and the concept of a greater celtic religion. i grabbed everything i could get my hands on, including McCoy, Conway, and Monroe. which is all good and well, i knew they’d skewed history and got a bit mixed up between the celtic faiths and wicca. my sr year in h.s., i got my first triskele to replace the pentacle i had worn and learned about the cosmology, the 3 realms/elements, and what i’ve come to know, now, as draiochte. i’ve never been much for ‘casting’ spells, as much as casting energy, like fishing almost. sending it out, seeing what i catch, analyze what went wrong to gain what i want the next time around. i remember sitting at baseball games, focusing on the ball, the pitcher, and the bat. sending energy to each of them to see what kind of outcome might result. at that point, i didn’t have any relationship with any of the gods, just vague familiarity with them from my books. the main turning point was in college. my freshman year, i sat on samhain reading the school paper. on the front page was a picture of 2 guys in a lecture hall, dressed up in odd robes. the caption read, “local druid uses ritual to explain modern practices”. the guy who officiated at the ritual had his name in the paper with it, so i ran back to my room, looked up his email address and promptly shipped off an elation to find someone else of my path and request to get together. while we never really did much in the way of discussion, outside of our friendship, constructing a pagan organization on campus, and reading over each other’s papers, we both knew where the other was. i was caught in a liminal space, partially oblivious to all that i was absorbing, even though it encompassed me. the freak on campus, who could walk, unnoticed, though the quad in the most bizarre outfits. i still have difficulty giving words to what i learned, sitting out in the middle of the quad, napping in the sun and just basking in the fact that i was the only person in the world, at that moment in time in the quad. despite all the issues that were going on in my life, this was the one place where i was confident that i had control and that i was comfortable. then, i turned my life upside-down and moved to georgia. one of the best things in my life, because it was here, where i was introduced to a druid ritual. it was samhain, 1999, and i ventured into the spot i had been looking for up till then. there was no going back from there, and here i am. learning more and more every day, and becoming more acquainted with the gods of my tribe and learning how to work with them. with it, i’ve found i can take on the responsibility i now have to them, to me, to the grove, and to each person in my life and not have to shrink away from it. It isn’t that this path has given me strength, as much as it has helped me find that strength within me. it is one of the tenants of this path, self-responsibility. knowing yourself, knowing your limits and knowing how to work past those limits and transcend the self. it’s just part of it, but it’s a start, and here i have a new beginning.