I just got back from grove discussion about this weekend’s ritual at festival. It was fairly interesting because my priestess wants to sit down and talk with me about my relationship with the gods and my understanding of them. She said I seemed to be asking them more often than not. I didn’t realize I came off as doing that in the religious realm, even though I know I do that in my personal life. Reason being, we’re gods, we don’t need to ask anything. It has resonated with me, especially lately. I feel weak, I feel needy, I feel disconnected from things. In my outside persona, I’m fairly egotistcal and can back it up, but inside, I’m that little kitten that still needs its mum to sustain its life. I haven’t matured enough to go running off to town and devour a few people on my own. I can remember a time when I could easily do that. Maybe it’s my own life’s failures that have disillusioned me, maybe it’s life’s lessons that have changed my perspective. Either way, I need to get back to who I was. It has been a road that I’ve been trying to get back on, but I find I keep detouring off it. I thought about it on my way home, and realized that was my main reason for being so attracted to the Marine. He was so sure of himself, he’d earned that pride and it ran through his veins, not just worn on his skin. Right now, it’s only skin deep on me, it needs to run deeper. I’ll definitely start working on that.