Month: July 2003

And the fun begins….

For those of you keeping up with my work journal, and those of you who know I love to make fun of Ike – the management and my co-workers have had the fear of God struck into them. Today I started cleaning Ike’s area of the store, which he never does and really needed to be done. Not much is out of place, but you can now find stuff. I’ve been wanting to do this for months, but he’s never been gone long enough for me to do it. *eg*

In other news, I came to a revelation about myself last night, and this is a question for those with similar situation…I have realized I’m not spiritually connected to my partner and I doubt I will ever be (he doesn’t believe in soul/spirit). I don’t really see this as an issue to be resolved, but it does leave a slight emptiness in me. I have spiritual connections to several of my friends, mostly the real inner sanctum, and it has brought me great happiness. But this is where I feel slightly hollow. My question to you, is how have you gotten around this feeling, and what have you and your partner(s) done to bridge this gap? I need suggestions! *grin*

And the fun begins….

For those of you keeping up with my work journal, and those of you who know I love to make fun of Ike – the management and my co-workers have had the fear of God struck into them. Today I started cleaning Ike’s area of the store, which he never does and really needed to be done. Not much is out of place, but you can now find stuff. I’ve been wanting to do this for months, but he’s never been gone long enough for me to do it. *eg*

In other news, I came to a revelation about myself last night, and this is a question for those with similar situation…I have realized I’m not spiritually connected to my partner and I doubt I will ever be (he doesn’t believe in soul/spirit). I don’t really see this as an issue to be resolved, but it does leave a slight emptiness in me. I have spiritual connections to several of my friends, mostly the real inner sanctum, and it has brought me great happiness. But this is where I feel slightly hollow. My question to you, is how have you gotten around this feeling, and what have you and your partner(s) done to bridge this gap? I need suggestions! *grin*

Ok, work day go to thehodgeroom, today was amusing – at least to me it was.

Now, for personal notes. Normally, I’m not one to get hung up on things *cough*, but I must say, sometimes my friends are just wonderful. This morning, the Marine showed up at work, first thing after opening, just to see me. It was great. He can be such a dick sometimes, but then he does stuff like this that makes our friendship worth it. He amused with me stories of the Sanitarium tour, which I really wish I had gone now. Apparently, Metallica realizes their new stuff sucks and only played two songs off the new album, the rest was old school (re: the good stuff), and he almost got into a fight with Fred Durst when he roamed into the crowd trying to pump them up. The Marine’s whole section was sitting down and Durst said, “Are you enjoying the concert?” (or something like that), and the Marine, in tried and true fashion promptly stuck his hand up in the air with the middle finger flying, followed by, “YOU SUCK!” in that wonderful voice that only a Marine could shout. That got Durst’s attention. Man, if only I could have been there. I could have watched Fred Durst get his ass kicked by one of America’s finest. *sigh* It was great. But hopefully he’ll be stretched out on the lawn with me at Ozzfest, we need to wreak havoc on the Manson sheep (his GF willing).

In other news, last night’s moon had me awfully down (the work day cheered me up). This morning, driving to work and listening to the Pup’s misery CD, I realized what was wrong. I’m missing him again. I thought I had all the emotions tamed and quelled with the decisions and treaties we made, but apparently I didn’t. Last night just brought them all up in their full glory. It’s not something I cry over anymore, no reason to, but still – there’s pain and I can’t get it to go away. I’m comfortable with our relationship, or lacking thereof, at the moment. However, I do feel that he’s at another point now, least, I’ve noticed when I feel this way, it’s because of some difficulty he’s going through. I hate that I can’t be there for him (yeah, I know, I’m just wastelessly expending my energy on him), but to me the aggravation is in the fact that I can’t be something stable for him, which is what I feel he needs right now. He’s my friend, and I feel like shit because I can’t be that to him – least not publically – without inflicting more damage to an already damaged situation. *sigh* I know what my calling is to my kindredfolk, and as irritating as it can be to those close to me, to see me go through the things I go through, this is the path I’ve chosen and to skew from it would be a breech of honour for me. I’m loyal to a fault, but given that this is not an abusive situation – between the two of us – I see nothing destructive in my actions or feelings. Don’t worry, I learned that lesson the hard way, and it has stuck. I love who I love, and loving those people means being there for them and worrying about them. Even the ones I don’t voice my worry over. At least, with them, I can check up on them to make sure things are good. In this case, I can’t really. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Fucking people! *grin*

Ok, work day go to thehodgeroom, today was amusing – at least to me it was.

Now, for personal notes. Normally, I’m not one to get hung up on things *cough*, but I must say, sometimes my friends are just wonderful. This morning, the Marine showed up at work, first thing after opening, just to see me. It was great. He can be such a dick sometimes, but then he does stuff like this that makes our friendship worth it. He amused with me stories of the Sanitarium tour, which I really wish I had gone now. Apparently, Metallica realizes their new stuff sucks and only played two songs off the new album, the rest was old school (re: the good stuff), and he almost got into a fight with Fred Durst when he roamed into the crowd trying to pump them up. The Marine’s whole section was sitting down and Durst said, “Are you enjoying the concert?” (or something like that), and the Marine, in tried and true fashion promptly stuck his hand up in the air with the middle finger flying, followed by, “YOU SUCK!” in that wonderful voice that only a Marine could shout. That got Durst’s attention. Man, if only I could have been there. I could have watched Fred Durst get his ass kicked by one of America’s finest. *sigh* It was great. But hopefully he’ll be stretched out on the lawn with me at Ozzfest, we need to wreak havoc on the Manson sheep (his GF willing).

In other news, last night’s moon had me awfully down (the work day cheered me up). This morning, driving to work and listening to the Pup’s misery CD, I realized what was wrong. I’m missing him again. I thought I had all the emotions tamed and quelled with the decisions and treaties we made, but apparently I didn’t. Last night just brought them all up in their full glory. It’s not something I cry over anymore, no reason to, but still – there’s pain and I can’t get it to go away. I’m comfortable with our relationship, or lacking thereof, at the moment. However, I do feel that he’s at another point now, least, I’ve noticed when I feel this way, it’s because of some difficulty he’s going through. I hate that I can’t be there for him (yeah, I know, I’m just wastelessly expending my energy on him), but to me the aggravation is in the fact that I can’t be something stable for him, which is what I feel he needs right now. He’s my friend, and I feel like shit because I can’t be that to him – least not publically – without inflicting more damage to an already damaged situation. *sigh* I know what my calling is to my kindredfolk, and as irritating as it can be to those close to me, to see me go through the things I go through, this is the path I’ve chosen and to skew from it would be a breech of honour for me. I’m loyal to a fault, but given that this is not an abusive situation – between the two of us – I see nothing destructive in my actions or feelings. Don’t worry, I learned that lesson the hard way, and it has stuck. I love who I love, and loving those people means being there for them and worrying about them. Even the ones I don’t voice my worry over. At least, with them, I can check up on them to make sure things are good. In this case, I can’t really. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Fucking people! *grin*

Scorpio for July 10th:

“”Dear Dr. Brezsny: Reading your ‘scopes lately has felt like finding a roll of hundred dollar bills in a heap of moldy sour cream in a garbage can; like getting a great massage from a cute underwear model in a velvet sanctuary while some jerk with a chainsaw prunes trees outside. How about serving up less paradoxical advice? I’d almost prefer getting a purely bad prediction to this maddening ambiguous stuff you’ve been serving up. -Scorpio Goddess” Dear Goddess: I’m just reporting the facts, ma’am. You yourself have been like a sleek athlete trying to do what you do best while stuffing your face with doughnuts . . . like a brilliant scholar struggling to read your books in a mirror with one eye closed . . . like a spontaneous kid hoping to convince a humorless octogenarian to play tag.”

Compliments of FreeWill Astrology

Otherwise known as “Don’t counteract your goals with destructive decisions”. *nods*

Scorpio for July 10th:

“”Dear Dr. Brezsny: Reading your ‘scopes lately has felt like finding a roll of hundred dollar bills in a heap of moldy sour cream in a garbage can; like getting a great massage from a cute underwear model in a velvet sanctuary while some jerk with a chainsaw prunes trees outside. How about serving up less paradoxical advice? I’d almost prefer getting a purely bad prediction to this maddening ambiguous stuff you’ve been serving up. -Scorpio Goddess” Dear Goddess: I’m just reporting the facts, ma’am. You yourself have been like a sleek athlete trying to do what you do best while stuffing your face with doughnuts . . . like a brilliant scholar struggling to read your books in a mirror with one eye closed . . . like a spontaneous kid hoping to convince a humorless octogenarian to play tag.”

Compliments of FreeWill Astrology

Otherwise known as “Don’t counteract your goals with destructive decisions”. *nods*

So, I succeeded in doing nothing on the house today, though I did buy two new candle holders to match the ones in the bedroom. Otherwise, today was a me day and I have lived it up, so far. Went shopping, realized how much I really do love Express, Ltd. They have the coolest stuff and it’s all black! The funny thing is that they’ve got the gothiest, industrial stuff, yet it’s considered ‘trendy’ and yuppie-ish. I love it! Anyway, Victoria’s Secret made me happy today, they recently started carrying AA size bras in their non-underwire styles. Yeah, I admit it, I’m tiny. But you know what, I’m happy they do that because in all honesty, I’m damned glad I’ve got too much for those horrid teen training bras. So, that means I’m either left with tank-tops sans bra, or tank bra – which can get very hot during the summers. I also stopped by sephora and grabbed another colour of caffinated lipstick. I’m so glad they started carrying it, in store, so I don’t have to overcharge myself by ordering online. Another thing I did, I went to see Whale Rider. Seriously, I love indie films. This one made me cry, it was so beautiful and so out-of-time. It was only 1hr 30min, but it seemed like it took forever. Gods, there just aren’t any words to describe it, I honestly can’t think of a means of discussing this movie without telling the whole plot. So, if you love artsy indie films and it’s playing near you….go see it. I’ll just say it’s about a ancient maori myth come true in modern times. *sigh*

Ok, today was fairly dull. Nothing really happened, except being absolutely amazed that a 32-year-old could spend 15-20 minutes spinning the “chi maker” and be completely mesmerized by it. Last night I had a dream, but this morning I forgot it. My trigger was the David Bowie song that was playing during the dream. But after my shower, every time I tried to trigger it, I kept coming up with Billy Idol songs. So, one dream gone that I can’t put my finger on. I do have a solution for the forgetfullness though. I’m putting a cassette recorder in my bathroom so I can voice my dream while taking a shower. I’ve pretty much got my plan for tomorrow. Get up earlier than 11A, for once, and do yoga first, then off to the daily errands and running afterwards. Now, to stick to my schedule.

Ok, not much going on…but the amusement continues. Tomorrow, I’m supposed to bring in my copy of PhotoShop for my Mgr. Seems know-it-all overheard us talking about it, so I’ve been taking bets that he’d show up today with it in tow. Anyway, my room is almost done. Everything is painted and cleaned up, though I still need to sand the floors, refinish them, and add a bookshelf. I feel tired today. I was woken up by an annoying “radio poll” phone call. It’s the 3rd time they’ve called. First time, I told them there was no one that lived there (I was housesitting), second time, they got the answering machine. And I must add, it’s pretty pathetic when you have to explain the phrase “Save a tree” when declining a postal mailing. She couldn’t quite grasp the fact I didn’t care how legitimate the poll was and therefore didn’t want any info on it. My Scotsman thinks I should have just told her to go away. Gods, she wouldn’t shut up and didn’t quite get it. Oh well, she won’t be calling again. Another irritating thing, I’ve found that I can’t find black bookshelves anymore. The place I knew I could get them, can’t get them anymore. Anyway, I have to wait till next week to get shelves.

Ok, I’m frustrated. Masking tape is not meant to be used on walls when trying to paint. I’m limited on my paper tape, but it works much better. Apparently, I’m not allowed to display the fact that I’m frustrated with something, because then I stress out those that live with me, and it becomes me being angry at them. Not that I am, I just feel that I function better when I actually let the emotions out, vs. holding them in and then transferring them to some small, inconsequential issue that normally wouldn’t even get a second glance. So, instead of me just voicing my frustrations at a certain object, I’m suddenly angry at specific people because they just happen to be in the same room as me, at that given moment. So, is my room done like I’d hoped? Nope. I’m thinking I’m going to skip tonights festivities to get it done, though, I’m ready to pass out from lack of food, even though I’m eating now. I’ve been ecstatic to have my room done this weekend. It means meditation space, me space, and study space. To have it prolonged any longer is very irritating, I shouldn’t have bothered sleeping in this morning. I should have dragged my ass out of bed at 9.30 when I originally woke up, but no, I went back to sleep. Fuck me.