Month: April 2003

I have a couple of upcoming concerts I want to go to…..hmmmmm to attend or not to attend, that would be the question….

In other news, I finally got my bloody stereo CD player working. It won’t play recorded CDs anymore, but that’s ok, at least it plays the damned things.

In other, other news. I know there are those of you out there with various opinions about me. And I know you aren’t members of LJ, and that’s ok, I won’t hold it against you, but you know you want to email me, or, even better…you can post anonymously. Yes, folks, I have turned that function on. Utilize it, you know you want to, I dare you to. *eg*

Now, off to netshop and call the Atlanta Ballet for classes, and the Mudd room for stained glass classes. Must occupy my time *grin*

Ya know, as much as I enjoyed Cirque and thought it was great. I shouldn’t have come home alone. All it did was reignite things. I’m left wanting to move to my music, feeling myself enveloped in a deep hug, surrounded by scents long gone only to remain in memories. Instead, just laying in bed seeking safety in my dreams and failing miserably. Feeling the need to expose my weakness again. But yet, I’m left to remain strong on the outside, while fading away on the inside, wilting slowly.

Ok, since it’s officially tomorrow, I’ll post….

Varekai was everything its cracked up to be. Absolutely beautiful. Words definitely were failing me during intermission. Seeing humans perform in this manner is the only time I can honestly say the human race has merits. If things hadn’t been as they have been, I would have been crying my eyes out, but all I could do was manage to just tear up. It makes me wonder why I ever quit dancing, seems to be the only times when I could reach my full expression of passion that runs through my body. And because of that, sometime tomorrow I’m going to call the Atlanta Ballet and see what days their adult ballet classes are on and how much they are. Given that I now have time and still need a means of expression of what’s in me, I might as well take up dancing again. Funny thing, when I had a really good partner, it was the only time my true fantasies were ever realized. That movie love affair that comes true, only when your match is on the dance floor with you. *sigh* And club stuff doesn’t cut it, jerking around on a floor never comes as close as choreographed liquid movement. Besides, when it’s done that way, there’s enough room on the floor to actually use it (unless you go to an empty club where the DJ sucks). Alright, night night. I need to go wallow in deep misery again, it’s actually making me feel alive again.

Oh yeah, I wanted to mention…to all the weird non-lj freaks that read my journal (from back in the day, when i hosted the bloody thing) commentary is open to you here, so please feel free to post instead of feeling the need to shoot email at me. plus, you never know, might actually stimulate conversation on this blasted thing.

On another note, to those that like to play on the playground…what do you think of this? I’m tempted to create a banner that would frame the top and sides of the page. me in braids (braids providing the background for the nav bar and right margin, and eyes providing the top banner). My Scotsman has suggested an occassional blink for the eyes, but I’m still anti-animation right now. So, how does that sound?

Ya know, I’m sitting here, watching college gymnastics, and thinking “damn, I’m glad I didn’t make the team and the university. otherwise, i’d look like a cheerleader reject who can tumble better and wears less clothing.” they’re good, don’t get me wrong, but those damned “spirit” stickers on their face and all the fucking glitter. maybe that’s why i couldn’t cut it, i was too much of a serious gymnast and would never be caught dead in sparkly uniforms and school initials on my cheek. ugh. 😛 oh yeah, the commentary sucks, like normal.

Last night I had a dream.
I answered those voices.
But there’s no way they heard.
No contact to trace them.

They want to be found, somehow.
Through the veil they must part.
yadda, yadda, yadda….

At any rate, anyone know how to burn a cd off an ipod playlist? I have an awesome list that would love to be concrete, but I guess Apple got stuck with the MP3 shit and I can’t import my stuff off my iPod. Clues?

I heard a voice cry out tonight. It held me in its grasp as it sang my emotions through my speakers. Calm and angelic, stirring that which refuses to die. A bond, growing through distance. The silence speaking more volumes than face words. Melding with my memories, faces, glances, touch, taste, floating before my eyes with each strain. Peace, at last, peace within myself, and without myself. The thanks I give for this, is immeasurable, unvoicable. Hate does not exist here, just love, for all that is, all that was, and all that will be. The future be known, I see no end, just let it come and exist.

Thank you.

Thanks everyone.

I actually got some sleep last night, even hit the snooze button a couple of times. Hit the point where the tears are dry, so no physical crying, but the rest of my body is still pushing for it. *sigh*

I don’t want to be the strong one, for once. Just this time, I’d like to be able to sit back and be weak, just this time. Maybe it will hurt less if I just accept it and let it consume me.