OK, last night was interesting-to say the least. My Scotsman and I went to see Blackhawk Down and there was some concern about whether I could stomach everything. Not a problem, I just couldn’t handle Schindler’s List. However, I’m slowly starting to realize how much I either need to be a war-monger or a peace-nik, of which, neither suits me. There were parts when I was asking myself, “why didn’t we just go in and slaughter them all?”, and parts when I was asking myself “why the hell were we there in the first place?” Regardless, I’m not sure why in the world we attempt to have a civilized war. It’s what the US tries to do, we try to make the countries we fight against or in play by the same rules we play by, and then wonder what went wrong when they do something outside those rules that turns the tables in their favour. On that same note, they did get the drive and loyalty right. The guys that come into the store I work in show the exact same attitude when it comes to fighting, it’s what they have been training to do, without it, their training becomes a waste of time. I’m not quite sure if I think that’s a good or bad thing. Back to the movie–at one point, one of the Somalian militia members stated that there’s no way we could force our democracy on them because they were fighting a civil war. That is pretty much how I feel on the topic. Sometimes, we, as a government, think that our way is so great that we feel the need and desire to force our forms and beliefs upon emerging or third world countries through acts of force. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we were going back into Somalia because of the targeting of Americans and relief workers. Although, I’m still not understanding why we feel the need to go in to a conflict where we shouldn’t be (I’m not saying it’s because we’re not needed), because we fail to take the historical issues into consideration. Most of the fighting that is still going on is based on centuries of conflict that pre-dates the creation of the US of A. We may be able to aid in the resolution of the original issues, but we are not going to cure them, nor are we going to solve them by putting fear into the people through shows of brute strength. Look where it got us with the terrorist threat we currently face. Will wiping out Al-Qaida and Bin Laden solve the problems? I don’t think so, someone else will show up to take their place because we haven’t solved the original issue yet. Wiping out the opposition does not solve problems.

On another note–has anyone else noticed that the Federal motto “E Pluribus Unum” has been removed from all the new bills? The only bill I’ve found it on, so far, is the One Dollar bill. Strange. Though, it kind of irks me that “In God We Trust” is still there. I really need that “Pledge of Allegiance” poster. “I pledge allegiance to the earth. One planet, many gots, and to the universe in which she spins.” I am getting to be such a misanthropic hippy. Is that possible?

I can’t believe I’m still sick. Though, for the most part I’ve got a nasty headache that won’t go away, and I’m coughing up hairballs. Not all is bad. Slept most of the day, with my Scotsman making me a late lunch. Other than that, I still feel like shit and can’t wait for this to go away. On a better note–the US women’s hockey team is on its way to another gold medal. Kicked some serious Finlandish ass yesterday-5-0. Thanks to the Scotsman, I can now record the rest of the games on his Tivo, Yea!!!!! I also set the roses to dry today, they smell so wonderful. I can’t wait to find a place to put them in my apartment. I’ll probably put them in my bedroom, as soon as I can find a place after I move. On that note, I’m still trying to find a moving company to help me move. The one I’ve sent off for a quote hasn’t called me back, so I’m going to call them tomorrow and see if they got my request and whether or not they can process it or if I have to find someone else.

I also got a request from a friend to open up the message boards for my journal. I’m not sure if I’m going to do that yet, but everyone is welcome to email me if they have comments….that’s the way I’ve done things with my old journal.

For those of you who are truly interested…V-day was great. Not only did I manage to finally get him out to the observatory and see Saturn, Jupiter, Betelguise, and Syrius, but he also ended up taking me to a wonderful dinner, surprising me with a dozen long-stemmed roses, and an awesome black, royal velvet cloak. prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And a few other things, but that’s none of y’all’s business. Today brought even better news….I got accepted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m on my way to being a certified massage therapist and the top ranking massage therapy school in the nation! *eg* Any way, I have to get running, need to finish reading my mail and head over to my absolutely wonderful companion’s house. *snuggles*

Why do I bother with some things? Last night I got into a discussion in regards to genetic testing and my views of it, what should be allowed, and what shouldn’t. Needless to say, I got the feeling I was expected to draw a line somewhere and say, ” this is, this isn’t”. Too bad I can’t do that. Other than that, somehow, people think I’m accusing them of thinking one thing when I’m not. Is it too difficult a thing to listen to what someone actually says? Do I think some forms of Genetic “fixing” should be illegal? Yes, I don’t believe in manufactured kids to parents specs. That’s fucking with nature too much.

About 10 years ago, I dedicated myself to a path that gives honour to nature. By nature, I mean that thing around us that makes things go round. That life force that allows new life to come into this world and old life to go out of it. When I dedicated myself to this path, I also gained the responsibility of aiding in the maintenance of its balance. We can only go so far in “playing god” before that balance is completely out of whack and strange things begin to take place in order to regain that balance. To me, genetic alterations is one of those things that will knock us out of whack. Maybe it will speed up our evolution, or maybe it will speed up our decline, who knows. But I for one, would much prefer to let nature take the course of our evolution.

I understand that, for some people, my views might seem cold. After all, there are so many genetic diseases we could wipe out by going in and fixing everyone with those genetic defects and stop things right then and there. However, in those respects, how about we fix x-number of people with that genetic defect (mainly those who are willing to allow it be done), and let nature take its course from there? Are we so naive to think that we have to do nature’s job instead of aiding nature? Yeah, I know, I’m an idealist. To an extent, I think I was accused of being naive in thinking that designer kids will never happen. Sorry, but I’m not that naive. We’re talking about a person who’s so much a misanthrope that I agree with those who think humans are inherently stupid (some more than others). So I know that designer kids will eventually come into being, they’ll also fade away like a passing fad until some new method of manufacturing kids comes along (Brave New World anyone?). Sometimes I wonder why in the world I allowed the concept of actually having kids to enter my head. I don’t want my descendants to see petty people putting together their kids because they either want something specific, or they don’t want something.

I used the example of Down’s Syndrome as one of my points. It’s a genetic trait that manifests itself. What do you do with people who find out their kid is going to have this trait and decide to genetically alter their unborn child because they don’t want the stigma of having to deal with a Down’s Syndrome kid? To me, I understand and compliment parents who realize where their abilities stop, but what about all those parents who thought their abilities stopped at the same place, only to rise to the situation? Is it because some people can’t accept the extra effort they might have to put in? Is it because some people are just too finicky that they don’t want to deal with something like that? Who knows, and I pity those people who feel that they can’t accept a child for who and what that child will be, because of something that was beyond that child’s control.

StarTrek Enterprise had an interesting point a week or so ago. The Doctor refused to provide a cure for a genetic defect in an alien race because the genetic defect was the result of their evolution, and they were in the decline of their existence. When Archer tried to force him to administer the cure, the Doctor made the point–what if an alien race landed on your planet during the decline of the Neanderthal and the rise of Homo Sapiens and decided to offer something to the Neanderthal that would allow their species to continue on? Would the Homo Sapiens be where they’ve come to? Or would they possibly still be at the development point they were as the result of the Neanderthal’s not dying out? It’s an interesting quandary that has no black and white lines. If that makes me a fatalist, so be it. But, as a species, we’re going to evolve to a point where we become extinct, no matter how we try to put it off.

I’m not sure why I still feel the need to start crying. It’s starting to get a bit overpowering for me to the point I think I’m going to head over to my Scotsman’s house, crawl into a shower and attempt at letting it all out.

At any rate, ritual was very nice last night. I didn’t get home till 1 AM and I still managed to forget my casarole dish at the priest and priestess’ house. I was asked if I was going to dedicate again, and I am. This group is very much the one for me and last night just proved it for me. I actually participated in a full discussion with both the Bards and my priest in regards to magical workings, historical facts/myths, and several other things. I was proud of myself. I also threw away the last negative thing from my recent path to let all of it go. Felt very nice as well.

Back to today. Work was fairly slow, didn’t bug me much, but I’m still feeling that lost and trapped feeling I’ve had for a while. Things are starting to weigh on me and I’m not sure how much I can handle it. I’ve been told to be patient, things are coming along, but it doesn’t make things easier to carry. I’m still worried, feeling alone, just wishing a few things would be said sooner, rather than later. I hate waiting. I also wish I could not be the first to say ‘I love you’, for once, just once and I’ll be happy.

hey everyone, as you’ve noticed, things are a bit different with the journal. i’ve been contemplating doing something like this for a while, but i never really considered using livejournal (something about being a sheep) to do this. however, with a really cool scripting code, i can keep things on my webpage and let someone else do my archiving. however, the archives as they stand won’t disappear and you can still view them by clicking the link below. i think i could get used to this.