Well, yesterday I got in touch with myself. Basically, it started during my last class, Therapeutic Skills/ Beliefs. The main activity was not discussing the philosophical debate behind beliefs, it was touch and how that integrates with our own beliefs and the potential effect on our clients. So, for 2 hours I laid on my back, listening to a relaxation CD with my instructor (a Psychologist) leading us through a meditation. During the 1st 30 min, we allowed our bodies to move in the manner they wanted to move, not the manner our conscious mind told them to. It took me a while because I didn’t want to tell my body to move, but it wasn’t going to unless I did. So, I told my cat self to take over, and it did. Basically, the point was to get us out of our head and into our body. The 2cd 30 min was touching various body parts and registering in our conscious mind what our unconscious mind was experiencing and what our bodies were telling themselves through the touch. It was pretty mind-blowing for me. The last 30 min was to sit and absorb and process what we felt and where. I so wanted to break down and cry for awhile, almost did but just couldn’t find the command to allow my body to go ahead and express itself that way. All I wanted to do was to call up my Scotsman and tell him how much I love and appreciate him for being who and what he is, in regards to us. I never realized exactly how much I really focus on my body. I mean, I knew I was self-conscious, but I didn’t realize I was that self-conscious. But, I came to grip with that part of me, and told my body that I didn’t hate it, even though I acted like I did. And asked for its forgiveness for allowing someone else to decide what my body perspective was and believing that perspective. Needless to say, I’m slightly vulnerable right now, in those respects. But that’s why I have cats, and I need to go pay attention to them, then off to sleep.
Author: Saille
Vacation update: I’ve finally figured out what I’m doing next week. Spending much needed time with my cats. If you can judge what kind of a parent a person will be by how they treat their animals, then I am a neglecting parent.
I learned one thing: I cannot get frustrated at decisions, which are common, I can only get irritated. Frustration is for inanimate objects whose only choice in life is to do what I make them do. Which means, I get frustrated with myself and irritated with others. End of Story
Well, I’m home sick….I hate the flu. As for updates, if anyone tries to access me from freakchylde.net, I’m currently down because I’m trying to change most of the site over to my server. I’ll find out tomorrow around this time if it worked. So, my fullest apologies to all who miss the Playground for a day.
It’s funny how spending some time to myself, I realize exactly how much further I need to go before I’m back to where I need to be within my emotions.
Weekend was fairly good. Friday, my client didn’t how up or call me, but now he knows that’s what he needs to do when he can’t make it. Went to see Rasputina in concert. It was good, I think Malora takes too many drugs, or does a damn good impression of acting vacant, but the music was still good. Never seen so many Hot Topic goths in one place in my life, thus far. Saturday was decent, it wasn’t as hot as it usually is at work and the day went by pretty fast. Today was pretty slow, woke up late, went food shopping, did some stuff around the house. Tonight looks pretty tame too, I think I’m going to stay in because I have nothing better to do and there’s not much going on any other place I might go to. Who knows, maybe something interesting will pop up, but doubtfully on a Sunday.
Ok, things are good. Worked on redecorating the office/work room and went shopping. Snagged me a Buddhist tone bell, which I love, new inscense, finally hung the sword up, and created a new hook for my handy dandy ritual gear. Finally found a Buddhist chant cd, haven’t listened to it yet, but from its description, it should be the tonal singing. If not, I know Borders has one. This place is really shaping up nicely.
Well, I finally got my concise anglo-saxon dictionary in the mail, and here are the sub-final results of my research into the root words of “wicca”:
wicca: m. wizard, magician, soothsayer, astrologer
(please keep in mind that this word is not just left for males because it’s masculine) (actual anglo-saxon root: wicga)
wicce: f. witch (found in AElfric and the Old English Glosses)
So Gardner wasn’t too far off, but that’s given that these words are recent additions to the anglo-saxon vocabulary (potential fix?) and have only been found in a couple places, which still leads me to be skeptical of whether or not they actually did exist. Now to go hunt down the texts they were found in, with the original language to do a translation.
some people judge their worth by how much trust other people are willing to give them, and how much use they can be to other people. and some people just give up.
the tears will eventually fall.
If coffee is god, I have found its consort. Today, my caffinated lipstick arrived in the mail. Nice coffee red lipstick, complete with shot of caffeine every time I lick my lips. Now I definitely have reason to kiss myself every day.
In other news, school was much better today. Having an instructor that actually knew what he was talking about and could relate the topic to the rest of us confused massage therapists was nice. Now that that is all over with, I hope we never have to see that other annoying instructer that feels the need to laugh every time she gets uncomfortable with us. *grrr* Now, it’s time to go caffeinate myself to see how good this colour looks on me.
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