Author: Saille

Who am I? On the surface I'm a nature-loving dirt worshipping hippy in search of a good adrenaline rush. That's all I have for now.

I’m finding that I get an extreme enjoyment out of taking my walks. I know I can’t do it daily, but I would like to work up to a point where they are. Whether that be through getting up early and taking a walk while the sun rises, or taking my walk under the moon, I still need to take it. I also need to quit with my habit of staying home because I think I won’t be able to make it to a scheduled appt. in time. That’s what I ended up doing today, though, it also means yoga is out this evening. But that also means I have to get to bed early, so I can drag my ass out of bed for the 10AM class tomorrow. One of my goals for the upcoming year is to do yoga more and intensify my practice. Usually, that means horking up in my workroom and doing all the stretching necessary, but I’ve been wanting to spend more time with my instructor. He’s been getting more time at a couple local studios and I want to take advantage of it. Plus, as a means of meditation, I’m going to start working it into my park walks.

For some reason, I keep visualizing my goals, and at the same time there’s this voice in the back of my head saying they’re just a fantasy. I don’t know why, but to an extent it does feel like I’m trying to fantasize my life. These goals, they’d be great and I’d be happy to live my life with just them, but I also have to work, and while I enjoy the work I want to do, it still feels as if I’m going to be working myself to death, while trying to make time for the other things in my life. Sometimes, I think I should have been a monk, but the timing got screwed up.

I’m working on this right now….

Scorpio for Oct 16:

“The science newsletter, “Mini-Annals of Improbable Research,” did a poll of its readers on the question, “Does reality exist?” Forty-two percent answered yes, while 31 percent asserted that it most certainly does not. The remaining 27 percent were undecided. A few of the latter believed that their reality exists but no one else’s does. Two people said, “Yes, reality exists, but you can’t get to it.” According to one respondent, “Reality exists only when it is really necessary.” Remember that line, Scorpio, because it will be quite necessary for your reality to exist in the coming weeks. Here’s another response to the poll that you should make your own: “Reality especially exists right after a thunderstorm.” I predict that your reality will become vivid and deep once your metaphorical tempest ends in a few days.”

FreeWill Astrology

Ok, as I can’t do a hands-on workshop yet (kindly reminded I have cats), I can start the discussion workshops because I was planning on having those at the La Madeleine’s in Marietta. It’s central, it’s quiet, it’s got coffee and food, and….I love the place, got the atmosphere for “intellectual discussion”. I’m thinking I’m going to do the first topic on ‘spiritual healing, what is it and why is it used’. I haven’t decided on a day yet, so those of you who are interested, please let me know which days you’re available the 1st week of each month. I have no issues with rotating days, first workshop will be the first week in November, plan and let me know.

Ok, is this convert a freak week? Seems I look ‘pagan’ in my alternative dressing standards and that requires everyone possible to talk to me about the greatness of jesus and the christian god. No offense, I don’t go “Goddess Bless” everyone, or hand out pamphlets on the greatness of the all-mother. So why should I have to take that from others? Anyway, work was fairly boring, I’ll write more about that later…Trying to ponder the work I’m choosing to embark on, which directions I wish to go with the work, and how I will choose to work it. I have come up with a timeline for how I want to work my job. When I come back from my vacation with my parents, I’m going to get a job in a spa, work the store and the spa, and then quit the store after 2 months. That will help me out with car payments, and give me a chance to get the paycheck going from the spa and work on my own clientel. I feel confident in that.

Ok, teaching position isn’t open at this point in time. So, after Samhain, I’m going to get into the spirit of the season, and get off my ass and actually put more effort into getting my business going. Next week, I’m going to head over to yoga early and do some research on the job board for things in my area and see what’s up my alley. That way, I can use money that will go into my business account to get my license and that way I can advertise the hell out of this city till the word of mouth gets going. I’m actually beginning to feel the impulse to start putting things into action. In the next couple of days, I’m going to put together my list of goals for the new year, one of them being, adding at least 3 new monthly clients to my current client list. I’m going to try to be realistic and not expect the sudden influx of having every appointment on my calendar filled, but I want to start with 3 regular monthly appointments to add to the one I already have. I also have some ideas about mixing erynn999‘s 3 cauldron work with my own body work and see what I can come up with. I was talking with one of my former instructor’s about it and she’s really interested, so I know I have someone in the massage field I can bounce ideas off of. The ideas that came up last night, that I’ve solidified into ideas, one is a monthly workshop on journaling, energy work, personal exploration, etc. The other is another monthly workshop that is just pure discussion – philosophical, historical, etc, etc (Literati subjects). I think that will keep me busy for a while, as well as stimulating my own self and providing/fulfilling my own goal that I set while I was in school. I’ll also need to talk to some of the nursing homes, homeless shelters, and potentially kid’s homes to see what work they’re interested in letting me do…preferably massage work.

Gods, yesterday was sooooooo fucking boring at work. I don’t think I’m even going to bother with writing it up in the work journal, not worth it. Spent most of the evening, after the meeting, talking about internal energy work, body reading, and journaling with the newest addition to our borderpagans family and shaedalis. Didn’t expect to be there till midnight talking about it. But I’m fine with that. Skipped the run today because I’m going to yoga later, so I figure I’m good on that. Talked to the Marine for a couple of minutes last night. He took my call, so I take that as a good thing and am happy he still likes to talk with me. I plan on asking him to help look up the MP, though, I’m still planning on stopping by the place last seen. If he’s there, I’ll talk to him, if not, I’ll give up and take that as a notice it’s not worth it. My me time will be relegated to next week, due to plan changes. I don’t mind, but I need to get snapping on doing stuff regardless. I’m such a slacker sometimes, but hey, it is the contemplative time and I’m learning what I need to do in the coming time. Though, I have one ending that I’m happy about, glad it happened, never thought it would come to this but it did and off it goes. Now, off to the rest of my life.

Oh yeah, this is my journal, and I’ll write about whatever I want, don’t like it, don’t read it.

I’m sitting here watching a movie. I feel like I should be doing something else, but in the realization that it’s Sunday and the stuff I’d love to do, is no longer open. A bit lost, nothing available and the fact that the backyard would just remind me of how much more work I have to do on it. The plans suddenly disappeared at the fact of singledom today, from last night. Illuminations has some cool candle holders and votives on sale, from halloween that I wanted to go get. Nada, plans cancelled. Oh well, I do it myself, so I can’t hold issues when it’s done to me. I need a weekend friend, for those odd times I wish to go out and do something odd. Seems all my friends are getting married lately, thankfully, not all of them are. *sigh* Why do I feel like I’m being so pathetic so often lately?

Summary of the day:

Fairly boring, but before I headed off to the muscler ripper I headed to the bank. It started to sprinkle a bit. A wee bit overcast, but not enough to completely gray-out out the sun. It felt awesome, even though I wasn’t sitting in it, I could feel the joy in it. It wasn’t the “gotta scrub out this nastiness shower”, it was the “it’s a wonderful day, and I’d like to sit under a light lukewarm shower in the sun.” Oh, it was nice. And now I feel absolutely wonderful. It hurts to press into various muscles, or touch them in any way, but they feel nice deep down inside. prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So, my shoulders are now half open. Spent an hour and a half getting all the scar tissue ripped open and the resulting tight muscles relaxed. The joke was that I was getting all the benefits of drugs, without them. Said I was missing the fuzzy feeling, so my therpist handed me the fuzzy platapus to fulfill the rest. But I feel good. I can move my shoulders and there’s no popping sound, I don’t feel them hugging my ears anymore. Ceilings have as much mildew removed as possible and ready to repaint. I’m comfortable in myself, not choking on any imaginary thing at the moment. Next week I get to spend as much time as possible in my workroom doing some meditation on a couple new assignments. One of them are my goals for the coming year, individually and group. My individual goals are to work towards more balance within and the work that goes with that, gain a closer relationship with my goddess and my recent animal spirit addition, learn how to let go of things. Several of these things are yearly goals, because each year is a closer step towards that ultimate goal, yet at the same time, they are goals that must continually be worked upon. Last year I changed my career, started meditating more, going to yoga class once a week, and making a spiritual committment to myself. Letting go of things is something I’ve never quite been able to accomplish. The small things are easy to let go of, I’ve succeeded there, but the larger ones are still not in my reach and I want to get closer to those ones.