Last night was wonderful. Went to an AmerIndian death feast last night. Spent time with a grove member and got to know him better. It makes me feel much better to have found the new family I have. Each one of them, with their own psychosis and their own uniqueness to add to me and me to them. It’s wonderful. I feel a bit odd, from the other day. The Marine came in and told me to call him and let him know when good concerts would be coming up. That means he’s allowed to see me socially again, meaning his fiance has either gotten tolerant, or non-existant. I hope it’s not the latter. He loves her, even though it means leashing himself. He held his left hand in his pocket, every moment I saw him, but he followed me around to talk. I feel bad, I didn’t get the time I wanted to. Every time I’d turn to talk to him, someone else would walk up and take my attention. I miss our discussions. But, I do know what I’m going to get him for Holiday. Just need to make sure that skull is available.
Author: Saille
Scorpio for this week:
“You’re on the verge of tapping into a huge reservoir of fresh, starting-over energy. To aid you in capitalizing on this gift, I offer you Ellen Kort’s poem, “Advice to Beginners.” Begin. Keep on beginning. Nibble on everything. Pull up anchors. Sit close to the god of night. Lie still in a stream and breathe water. Climb to the top of the highest tree until you come to the branch where the blue heron sleeps. Eat poems for breakfast. Lick the mountain’s bare shoulder. Measure the color of days around your mother’s death. Put your hands over your face and listen to what they tell you. Swim with the sea turtle into the moon. Drink wild geranium tea. Run naked in the rain. ”
So, spent several hours this morning waking up, then falling back to sleep, waking up, then falling back to sleep. Not a case of insomnia or something, but the shoulder workout my trainer gave me had far greater consequences that I should have thought about. See, I’m a side-sleeper, sleeping on my back is only something I can do if I’m half asleep already and have mind to roll onto it. I wake up this morning and find I can’t lift my arms more than 5 inches from my sides, with two huge muscular bundles in the part of my pec muscles that attach on my arms. My partner was gracious enough to work them down to smaller bundles, but the adhesion there is still enough that it’s causing a huge weakness in those muscles. I should have thought about noting the work I’ve been trying to do to free up my shoulders, and the fact the exercises we were going through were detrimental to my progress. Which, I will now have mind to do, next time the trainer decides to work a part of me that I’m having ripped open. Yes, the muscles need to be rebuilt after being broken down, but they’re not done being broken down yet, and in working to rebuild them it is not necessary to overwork them. Which, is what has happened. I’m trying to get rid of the forward twist in my shoulders, that makes me look like i’m slouching when I’m not. I’ve just severely impeded that progress, in the fact that I’m now in constant pain when I rotate my shoulders back to where they’re supposed to be. I’m now in a constant slouch because we failed to workout the posterior section of my shoulders. Now, maybe I’m just a body nut, but shouldn’t a trainer be well aware of the necessity to work out both the protagonist muscle groups, and the antagonist groups? We didn’t even come close to that. Granted, those movements are probably relegated to the back movements, but still, they should have been present in the same workout. So, when I can move again, enough to get back into the gym, I’m going to re-plan my workout around those muscle groups, instead of going whilly-nilly around my body.
Note: I have way too many run-on sentences.
Ya know, sometimes I wonder about whether or not people are interested in being friends with me (e.g. they show interest in me and not me coming off as a psycho demon in trying to get to know them) and then the Marine shows up at work, just to say hi. No other reason whatsoever, even though it might be months sinces we’ve talked, and months till we talk again. I don’t know why I get so happy about him showing up because it is the one and only thing, besides a car accident, that will brighten up my day and nothing else can go wrong. He’s not all that special, in the grand scheme of things, outside of the fact that he hasn’t placed any extraordinary requirements on our friendship. He intrigues me, watching him slink around my store, as if I couldn’t notice him. It was quite amusing, months upon months ago. I remember lazing around in the manager’s office, hoping that the Marine would show up that day. Then, for some reason, I decided it was time to go be a social employee, only to walk out of the office and right into the Marine. Of course, this was back when I had a hyper-crush on him and went to work every day, hoping he’d show up. But over time, I gained a kinship with him. We spent most of the night, after a concert once, discussing his tattoos and their significance to his life. I remember noticing the one on his leg, with an arrow pointed up. It looked oddly familiar, but sleep deprivation prevented me from being able to point straight at it in my mind. We were in my work room, so I went straight for my resource book shelf and pulled out a Rune workbook I had and started going through it. Found it! The rune on his leg was Tyr’s rune (still don’t know the name, but that’s ok). I told him how interesting I found it, that he would have put that there, made out of bones, with the inscription “Grunt” weaving in and out of the bones. It made perfect sense, especially in his line of work. He must be cautiously judgemental, place himself in the hands of the devil, so to speak, in order to carry out his work, and risk his life. I have a great amount of respect for this man, especially given how long it took him to let me into his energy, and when he did, how he opened up. I know some of where he’s come from, some of what he dreams and I have a great appreciation for all of that.
I don’t know where I want to go with this, or what I meant by it. I guess it’s the little things, like this, that gets me to appreciate those who are in my IRL inner sanctum. I can spew stories like this about all the people who reside there, and those who are no longer admitted. They’re special to me, and capable of making me grin at those odd moments when no one else can.
Ok, since I promised it, here’s the first installation in the whole “celtic perspective ala lara” project….
After playing religious 20 questions with a group newbie for the last couple of weeks, I feel it’s time to put down some basic on my view of my own religion. This way, I get a head start on several assignments and the upcoming roast of me. It also gives a couple of people, whom I view as mentors, a glimpse of my thoughts and my chance for them to question me and challange me (should they choose to, and I hope they will – *hint hint*). Yes, I know, I come off as needy, occassionally, but you know what…I’m seeking, still, and my inner monologues/intra-personality discussions get a bit hectic or one-sided and I love for the mind-fuck challanges that other perspectives can give me. So, in the next couple of days, please feel free to play 20 questions with me after I state my case.
Today at work, a woman complimented me on my triskele, by name. I was impressed and thanked her for her compliment and commented on how she actually knew what it was. She responded that her mother was Irish and that it was a symbol of the trinity. I held my tongue, as it is a broad symbol of Celtic Christianity and has retained its status in one country (don’t know of the others). Somehow, that memory of today got me thinking in the shower. I have a nice sized triskele on my back, right about where my heart chakra is located. It was interesting, thinking upon it and the chakra work I’ve had done, as well as various elements of my therapy. About the beginning of summer, my throat chakra area started closing up. I was constantly feeling as though someone was choking me and having trouble swallowing. I’d spend several minutes, after the onset, moving my trachea and larynx around, working around my hyoid bone (if you poke on your throat, it’s the bone that makes the clicky noise and goes up and down when you talk and swallow) and the muscles behind it. Mainly because I don’t trust anyone else to, with the exception of my soul sister, from school, and my therapist. I’ve always been a shy person, vocally, but I’ve always had other means of self-expression. This past year I’ve felt as though I’ve been choking and inable to express myself. To combat that, you’ve noticed I’ve taken up writing here more, and voicing my opinions more aggressively. I still feel like there’s still hands on my throat, spiritually. It has been one thing I’ve been aggravated about because I used to be able to take whatever spiritual time I needed, in meditation, trancework, energy circles, etc. I haven’t felt I have the time to do that. I’ll spend the vacant time before I go to bed, during the week, doing a little meditation work, spending my run in trance, and reading when I can. But I don’t feel that is enough, I feel like I’m severely lacking. I was hoping to spend this past week alone, and using that to work everything I felt I needed to work, but like always, things got in the way. Plans were cancelled and schedules were not adhered to. This next week gives me a little time, along with some pagan-y time with a visiting friend. I’m hoping that will help, as I’m not feeling shy about doing some work with him while he’s here. I’ve just got this itching, and I’m not sure how I’m going to make it all work!
Ok, boring day, stupid comes out of the box. To the point a guy came in bitching about his name being misspelled on his dog tags, only to be shown that he was the one who misspelled his name, we just copied it as we saw it. Yeeeeeeeee-ah. The day continued as such and I’ll write more about it later.
Just finished watching a nifty segment on Ireland and its pre-history on PBS. Got it Tivo’d to make tapes later, for those of you who want a copy, mail me, or give me a VHS tape. Anyway, I’m not going to get as much time as I wanted, to work over my healing theories, perform my ritual, and all those fun things. It is this point in time when I wished I still lived on my own. It would be easier to hole up and write than it is living with someone else. Guess I’ll have to work on my quality time issue during the day. *sigh*
I broke down today. I joined a gym, so moonbird, you have a morning workout partner 3 days a week starting next Thursday. Also got dicked around by a car salesman (surprise?) and going to research and get more quotes this next coming week to see what I can get.
Note to all my religious-y friends, regardless of your personal bent: please send energy, prayers, strength, whatever you determine is needed to the soldiers down south who’ve been captured and are being held. So far, I’ve found they’re quite comfortable with the fact they’ll probably never leave that country alive, but hey, help is always a good thing regardless. I know the boys/girls over in the M.E. need it too, but I’ve found that plenty of energy is going out to the known war, but none, outside of the families is going to the unpublicized one down south in our attempt to crackdown on drugs. I’ll be sending mine out this upcoming Thursday, when I plan on setting up my own little opening ritual.
Ok, this slightly irritates me, yet also causes some understanding from me. Watching CNN’s 360 w/ Anderson Cooper, and one of the stories is about 3 military guys who’ve been taken hostage in Colombia. Because I was interested in finding out what all was going on with them, I started looking through all the major news sites that I read. Nothing! There is absolutely no news on this! The video clip that they showed, had the senior officer telling, whoever was going to get it, not to try and facilitate some type of grand escape because, “this is not a movie, there will be no grand escape where we live.” It’s sad, because the father of one of the soldiers was on the segment and even he agreed that he would probably never see his son again. I hope our gung-ho violence military heads will decide on a smarter route and actually try the diplomatic approach that this group (obviously) is trying to seek. It would be a pity for these guys to die because our gov’t is too arrogant to compromise.
Freakchylde's 