Last night, had a wonderful night in….and realized something odd about the cat stuff my mum got me for winter holiday. My cat mug, has you drinking out of the cat’s ass. My cat teapot has the bottom half of the cat as the mug and the top as the teapot. My salt/pepper shakers have the salt in the head and the pepper in the body. Odd.

We watched an anime called Castle in the Sky, and it was interesting. Especially the resulting center of the castle being a giant tree with massive roots. There was also the explaination by the young girl about having to learn destructive spells so that the healing spells would have power. It’s an interesting idea that goes along with the adage, “In order to know love, you have to know hate, and vice versa.” In order for anything to have power, something on the flip-side has to be known.

I’ve been watching the CNN special on infidelity. I’m finding a common thread in their discussions about infidelity and the emails/expressed feelings to lovers about why the people who strayed, did. Those that were cheating were missing something. They didn’t first express that missing feeling to their partners to find out what compromise might be met to alleviate it. I was also saddened that alternative relationships weren’t discussed. Of course, that would result in no cheating and be off topic. However, they never mentioned the concept of love being felt for these “others” was not just some passing infatuation. Granted, I will give that option as that the people were looking to fill the pieces that were missing in their primary relationship. It is sad, to me, that this is happening due to lack of honesty within the individual and within the primary relationship. This trend, is showing the shift within the paradigm of marriage. To me, it displays the need to develop the basis of what the relationship is to be, and work towards that as a couple. One of the examples, the male began travelling most days of the week with no regard to his wife, outside of a few phone calls. They quickly settled into the “married” life and she got bored with it. Relationships are work. They are like buildings, you build a strong foundation, the style of building you want, then maintain it. If you can’t maintain it, it starts to crumble and eventually caves in. To think that it will maintain itself, is naive, and it doesn’t matter how many people are involved in the relationship. It can be monogamous, polyfidelitous, ect. And because one partner does not direct his/her affections towards just the spouse, does not mean that s/he doesn’t love that person. Love is an interesting emotion, it is boundless and bountiful. To think that it could be contained would be to deny its true value.

The Marine called me evil. Wouldn’t say why. He said it with one of those smirks that can be taken a multitude of ways. So, I’m going to call him on Saturday, maybe Monday. Of course, that could also be the desired result, as well. I analyze too much.

I’m giggling hysterically. Odd for mornings. I hope it means a neon pink bunny suit for me.

Amusing….

In my dream this morning, my dream self was dead tired and heading to bed when my alarm went off for me to wake up.

Funny, I don’t recall many cats

I finally finished Possession. So much rang true to me when I saw the movie, and even more rings true in the book. It has brought me to thinking of all those lovers I’ve had in the past, good and bad. To top it off, the soundtrack in my head from work, on repeat, has Heart – Must have been love. And as the song states, But it’s over now. Must have been good, but I’m leaving without. I can’t say that I’ve left without, however. Because my feelings in the moment are still the same, reflection hasn’t changed that, even though my opinions and views of the people have changed. My basis for my love has never changed, I saw what I saw and those were my foundations, even if there were vast cracks in the cement that caused it to crumble.

I believe I am coming ’round and healing. Scabs are barely seen, as if a laser cut them away and sanded them down. I like where I’m going.

An e-list I’m on had a discussion about the various pharm drugs on the market. I had made a comment about arm-chair pharmacists that were created by the ads on t.v. Today was the kicker….I’m watching t.v. and an ad for prevecid comes on. The woman talking about her symptoms is basically describing all the physical symtoms of stress, and making points about her daily life that lead to the stress. I know Dr.’s don’t just listen to the symptoms anymore (though, this is not a commonality). They’d ask a question about the different stresses in a person’s life and have follow-up questions on it. Base fact: if the woman is suffering these symptoms, it’s the result of an overload of/inability to deal with stress. It’s a pity that we’re at the point where even the commercials make no attempts to suggest the cause could actually be dealt with (e.g. it’s a chemical imbalance in the body that’s the result of chemical overcompensation – internal factor) vs. it’s an external factor that can be resolved and result in the same effects without the need of external chemicals.

In other news, I’m sore as hell. Ironically amused at the fact I could have met moonbird at the gym, if I had trekked out to her’s, instead of going to the one down the street. I’ve cleaned my desk and the surrounding area. Not much else in that realm. The rest of today is a day of rest. I’ll be starting yoga up, again, next week. And in the mean-time I’m still planning on showing up to one of the Friday classes at the gym (fingers crossed that it’s more than just fad yoga). Outside of that, I’ve been doing a good job of scheduling time for mental yoga, it’s helped me calm down. So, one of my goals is progressing. I started reading Possession and I can’t put it down. I guess I need to find some fiction books that interest me and make sure that I’m reading at least one with all my research books I’m reading. Allows for me to let my brain relax, instead of tensing up. I’m also working on some Tibetan dreamwork. So far, I’m succeeding with the lucid dreams and integrating myself as I would during the day. It’s helping me remember them easier, and act within them as a participant instead of a by-stander watching myself. Oh yeah, someone who knows the workings of Safari was able to diagnose my problem, it’s the result of being on dial-in right now. It’ll hit a time out, and then start loading from the beginning again. Now, it’s easier to deal with, because I thought it was just me.

I’m finally starting to fully digest last night’s topic, and after discussiong this morning with marajs, I’m starting to see what was rotting

My amusement for the day….Did you know today was Gen. Robert E. Lee’s b-day? Guess we’ve got the flip-side for the Confederate hard-liners (the ones who think slavery should still exist and it include anyone who’s not a White protestant male).

Anyway, I’m still digesting the discussion tonight. Least, what I recall of it.

So, re-shaved my head. Contemplating somewhat of a haircut, not sure though. I need to do something. I also need to get out and start doing crap. I remember a point in time where I had some dreams and actually had the momentum to go follow them. Now, I can barely drag my ass out of bed before 9 AM, and when I do get the push to do something, I get derailed. I want to start rock-climbing again. I want to do something more than sit around the house, or sitting in bed. I want to be able to get up in the morning and say, “Who cares, I’m going to do what I want to do today.” And not give a second glance to the bed and its contents. I need to follow my dreams, desires, and needs.

I’ve found my pain tolerance today. My therapist is sadistic, but great. I figure I’ll be back to normal functioning in a day or two. My hamstrings are tight as hell, still, but not as painful as they were yesterday.