Month: July 2004

As I’m finally home, and the only happy part of my day is wishing djaesthetic and his lovely fiance Sarah congrats.

In other news, call the pity party so I can sit on my ass in a corner and cry for my own inability to control the things in my life.

Therapists do not work well when they are overloaded and all that happens is therapy for others gets piled on it. And the club asst. had the nerve to ask if my last session made me feel any better. Yeah, I cried through the whole thing. Made me feel a shitload better knowing that I wasn’t paying attention to my client because he wouldn’t listen to me when I said, “I can’t do any more sessions.” I was fine for the first 1.5 hours of sessions, but the next 1.5 was hell. I wonder if I can do an inservice for the assts. so they understand that an unstable therapist = not a happy hotel guest.

walkingbear, due to time constraints, I won’t be at BP on monday. My parents just informed me they were coming into town on Saturday. Priorities, unfortunately, because I really like this topic.

Scorpio for this week:

“”Disabuse yourself of the notion that greatness is somehow inextricably linked with fame, power, wealth, or social stature,” writes one of my readers, Pyrrol Red. “Some of the greatest human beings have been mostly unknown.” This is an important point to keep in mind, Scorpio, as you seek to ascend higher. The essence of your beauty may never be fully appreciated by more than a few people; the gifts you have to offer are so subtle and complex that you might find it hard to encapsulate them in simple forms that gain wide popularity. I’m not saying you’ll never be famous, powerful, wealthy, or high-status. But even if you do win those perks, it will be because of decisions you make and actions you take that are free of all lust for them.”

FreeWill Astrology

Oh yes, I’m posing this question to you odd-ones who actually read my journal…

How do you define an altered state? In general? Spiritually? How do you utilize altered states in your daily/spiritual life? What benefits do they provide for you/ for your workings?

For some reason, I was turning this stuff around in my head over dinner….

Our body is a temple. It stores our various emotions and memories, all accessible by a simple smell, familiar scene, touch, etc. Each cell is interconnected to every other cell, through various means and pathways. The things we feel, say and do affects our bodies, whether for a small space in time, or for a longer length of time till we forget. But suddenly, one day something happens, and a long lost memory is before your eyes and your re-living that point in your history.

For me, this is almost a daily occurrence. Not through myself, but a conduit for some of these reminders. In some cases, it’s joyful, in others it’s painful. In the coming weeks, I’ll be undergoing my own memories again. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time for me to spend some time in my own temple, cleansing and preparing for the renovations.

The only thing I can hope for, is that I don’t turn into some space cadet on the spiritual ship. (yeah, yeah. mucho stereotype) But, I do need to become more spiritual, it’s a need within me to explore myself more.

Needless to say, this week has been interesting in the realm of horoscopes. The main issue that arose has been the predominant interpretation in all of them, and as a result, I’ve come up with some good personal advice to myself. It sucks that things are still up in the air, and I don’t know when/where they will land, but I’ve come to a good resolution regardless. I accept what will come, on both sides of the coin, and I am comfortable with it. One side, I would prefer to not have, but if that is what I am handed, so be it. I can only control my own actions, opinions, and beliefs, all others are under the control of those respective bodies.

So be it.

Yeah, gotta love tourists on a day with small attendance. Especially when they decide to ask if I’m actually working my day job while sitting there, then mention I’m supposed to be part of the slacker generation. Last I checked, Gen X was the slacker generation when we were in school, since we’ve all graduated we’ve been pretty damned productive and done quite a bit with entrepreneurship. Otherwise, we’ve been pretty good for our companies. Yes, there are slackers, they exist in every generation and all walks of life. To quote eternalredneck, “slacking doesn’t pay the bills.” Yes, I work every day I can, I slip in self-time where I can because right now, getting on my feet is more important and that priority gets me through my week to the vacation I’m taking at the end of August. Once I’m on my feet, I’ll be more than happy to work in more me time.

In other news, I have a nifty new shiny on my ear. It’s nice and bright pink. One of my Elders gave me a nifty psych mag last night at our women’s night. There are some interesting articles that I can’t wait to read about emotions. Also got the Ok to put a Celtic-style sweat lodge on my part of the grove property. I honestly can’t wait till we have the land, gives me the shivers thinking of that place and having all the magic around me. *grin*

freewill horoscope for this week:

“Each day many of your cells expire and are replaced by others. As long as you live, this relentless process of death and rebirth never abates. Periodically, then, you have a completely new set of flesh and bones that retains none of the same atoms you were composed of earlier. Think back, for example, to the physical body you inhabited in July of 1999. There is nothing left of that old thing! In a sense, you have reincarnated without having to endure the inconvenience of dying. Do you realize how free this makes you? In the coming week, Scorpio, take full advantage of this gift. Show how much you appreciate it.”

Interesting. Now, off to yoga.

Oh yeah, went to see King Arthur last night. Needless to say it was interesting. Now, kudos for Hans Zimmer, for yet another awesome soundtrack. It was about the best thing in the movie. Plot wasn’t complicated, in fact, I don’t think there was much of a plot. Very little was actually seen of Guenivere, even though I thought she was an awesome character.

Now, for the issues I had with it. A) timeline was completely screwed (the “Arthur” they’re describing existed several centuries previous to the events in the movie). B) Lancelot didn’t exist until Chretien de Troyes added him. C) It was quite predictable, the Saxon invaders sucked and couldn’t plan their way anywhere. They were obviously underprepared and going to lose. D) According to legends, the roundtable was disbanded after the death of Arthur, the movie starts at the point of disbanding.

The plus: They got Merlin right.

I just got word that my ex has pled guilty to spousal abuse and whatever other charges were leveled against him. I have an extreme amount of pain that has lifted off my shoulders, and closure that has been given for something I couldn’t close myself. Thank the gods that he got sloppy. No one deserves the treatment he’d dish out, but damned. I’m glad he fucked up and got caught.