Month: March 2004

And thus begins my preparation for Tuesday. It’s odd, I don’t think there’s been any point in time where I’ve been completely shorn from the neck down. Should be interesting.

It’s finally hit me, he’s leaving and going to be gone, gone, gone. I knew it from the first few days I got to know him, and allowed that to influence a few decisions. I don’t regret that decision, but I do regret not persuing a friendship stronger than I did. But, I do not regret getting to know him. I saw the person I used to be in him, and the person I wanted to become. The strength of character and conviction. It was someone I could truly, and honestly, respect in every fashion. He didn’t mind me being the slack-ass I am, thought the DPM shorts, tank and boots was cute, and managed to one up me on morbid things possible. Though, I’m glad that there’s someone out there who loves the odd gifts I can find, and wouldn’t mind receiving myself. Knowing that there’s someone out there, just like me, and then some. Quite comforting to me, in all my internal feelings of isolation, there is one person connected to me. A person who’s memories can tell a story, passed through a touch. I will miss the 3AM discussions on tattoo symbolism, the awkward silences that follow combat stories, the evening partings with the stop to hug goodbye that never exists, the stress relieving bitchfest after a night at the office, the giddy schoolgirl feeling of fear and anticipation before calling/visiting. All of it, tucked away in my memories. I will smile, and I will have reason to smile. I hope that feeling is shared, in some fashion.

On the topic of the pagan label….

Yes, it’s a label used to identify an aspect of me to other people. However, I find it not even remotely accurate in any form of describing me. My reason is that I don’t see various N.A. paths, Hindu, Shinto, or other cultural paths (with the exception of various Norse paths, though an acquaintance would probably disagree with me), being described as pagan. Yes, it’s a latin word used to refer to the country folk the Romans lived and came into contact with. Yes, I’m from the country, and thus pagan. However, my spirituality is not from the country in the lands it originated, because it was just as much from the local cities. It’s a folk religion, pure and simple.

In the modern use of the word pagan, I’m no where close. The broader base I draw from, in my spirituality, is very naturalist at its base. My foundation is not Celtic, least, not in the grander culture history. As I read more about the pre-history religions, that have survived into the written past, I find more of a connection there. My culture connection is Celtic, my world-view connection is Celtic, my religious philosophy is Celtic, but my base is the grand ole, general nature. I’ve said before that the concept of gods in my spirituality are a new addition. Before I integrated them, it was just me and my natural surroundings. Does that make me pagan in the Roman view? Probably, because I’m not Roman (remember, the early Christians would have been considered pagan by the definition). As far as the grander culture of the US (read: Abrahamic religions) I’m a heretic. Still doesn’t make me a pagan.

At any rate, while I was driving home today, the concept of Celtic spiritualism came to my mind. Not quite accurate, but probably as close as I’m going to get. After all, my work area, to be built in the backyard, is my Shinto Shrine to the Celtic gods. If other people wish to use the word pagan to describe me, they’re welcome to. However, it’s not going to get close.

**Note: my decision has nothing to do with Wiccans, fluffbunnies, et al in regards to other “pagans”.

I’m slowly finding that the word pagan is no longer describing my beliefs. I shall come up with a new one that is more appropriate.

In other news, I had many arrivals today. My poly book showed up, along with my book on shinto meditations, and *dun duh duh da!!!* My skull showed up at work today.

I’ll be posting more, including pics, later. But it’s late, must work in the morning, and I’ve got a headache.

I’m watching CNN on gay marriage. There’s a pastor who put “AIDS is God’s punishment to homosexuals” on his church sign. According to him, hetero women got it by sleeping with homosexual males. Blame it on the gays. It’s so pathetic and biased, it’s hilarious

Ok, I just opened my can of Spaghettios with meat sauce. Somehow, they think that it gives the daily allotment of veggies. Last I recall, tomatos are fruits that are, for some reason, classified as veggies.

Anyway, work was cool. Slow, but I made some money. Need to enter it into my spreadsheets, but that’s ok. Ditched the gym this week, in hopes that my body will finish healing. So far, so good, but I’ve still got a ways to go. I figure I can return next week and use this week shopping, and whatnot. Today, though, I sleep.

So, the result of this comedy we call a democratic process, I’m calling on everyone who doesn’t want to vote for either of the idiots on the ballot to vote for Cthulu. Write it in, if they want to make a joke out of the election process in this county, I want to hand them the punchline.