Month: January 2004

I finally finished Possession. So much rang true to me when I saw the movie, and even more rings true in the book. It has brought me to thinking of all those lovers I’ve had in the past, good and bad. To top it off, the soundtrack in my head from work, on repeat, has Heart – Must have been love. And as the song states, But it’s over now. Must have been good, but I’m leaving without. I can’t say that I’ve left without, however. Because my feelings in the moment are still the same, reflection hasn’t changed that, even though my opinions and views of the people have changed. My basis for my love has never changed, I saw what I saw and those were my foundations, even if there were vast cracks in the cement that caused it to crumble.

I believe I am coming ’round and healing. Scabs are barely seen, as if a laser cut them away and sanded them down. I like where I’m going.

An e-list I’m on had a discussion about the various pharm drugs on the market. I had made a comment about arm-chair pharmacists that were created by the ads on t.v. Today was the kicker….I’m watching t.v. and an ad for prevecid comes on. The woman talking about her symptoms is basically describing all the physical symtoms of stress, and making points about her daily life that lead to the stress. I know Dr.’s don’t just listen to the symptoms anymore (though, this is not a commonality). They’d ask a question about the different stresses in a person’s life and have follow-up questions on it. Base fact: if the woman is suffering these symptoms, it’s the result of an overload of/inability to deal with stress. It’s a pity that we’re at the point where even the commercials make no attempts to suggest the cause could actually be dealt with (e.g. it’s a chemical imbalance in the body that’s the result of chemical overcompensation – internal factor) vs. it’s an external factor that can be resolved and result in the same effects without the need of external chemicals.

In other news, I’m sore as hell. Ironically amused at the fact I could have met moonbird at the gym, if I had trekked out to her’s, instead of going to the one down the street. I’ve cleaned my desk and the surrounding area. Not much else in that realm. The rest of today is a day of rest. I’ll be starting yoga up, again, next week. And in the mean-time I’m still planning on showing up to one of the Friday classes at the gym (fingers crossed that it’s more than just fad yoga). Outside of that, I’ve been doing a good job of scheduling time for mental yoga, it’s helped me calm down. So, one of my goals is progressing. I started reading Possession and I can’t put it down. I guess I need to find some fiction books that interest me and make sure that I’m reading at least one with all my research books I’m reading. Allows for me to let my brain relax, instead of tensing up. I’m also working on some Tibetan dreamwork. So far, I’m succeeding with the lucid dreams and integrating myself as I would during the day. It’s helping me remember them easier, and act within them as a participant instead of a by-stander watching myself. Oh yeah, someone who knows the workings of Safari was able to diagnose my problem, it’s the result of being on dial-in right now. It’ll hit a time out, and then start loading from the beginning again. Now, it’s easier to deal with, because I thought it was just me.

I’m finally starting to fully digest last night’s topic, and after discussiong this morning with marajs, I’m starting to see what was rotting

My amusement for the day….Did you know today was Gen. Robert E. Lee’s b-day? Guess we’ve got the flip-side for the Confederate hard-liners (the ones who think slavery should still exist and it include anyone who’s not a White protestant male).

Anyway, I’m still digesting the discussion tonight. Least, what I recall of it.

So, re-shaved my head. Contemplating somewhat of a haircut, not sure though. I need to do something. I also need to get out and start doing crap. I remember a point in time where I had some dreams and actually had the momentum to go follow them. Now, I can barely drag my ass out of bed before 9 AM, and when I do get the push to do something, I get derailed. I want to start rock-climbing again. I want to do something more than sit around the house, or sitting in bed. I want to be able to get up in the morning and say, “Who cares, I’m going to do what I want to do today.” And not give a second glance to the bed and its contents. I need to follow my dreams, desires, and needs.

I’ve found my pain tolerance today. My therapist is sadistic, but great. I figure I’ll be back to normal functioning in a day or two. My hamstrings are tight as hell, still, but not as painful as they were yesterday.

So, I decided that I wouldn’t make New Year Resolutions this year, because….well, I did those at Samhain. However, I am using the concept of starting over as a point to really putting a push into those goals and making them manifest. My main thing, right now, is dedication. I have focus, but I tend to get derailed pretty easily.

However, I do have a major interest that I’m pursuing at the moment….New massage modality based on Celtic healing techniques and mystical bent. Right now, I’m boning up on my Ogham knowledge, because it could be useful (and I’ve gotten several responses of people using it for sigel work on clients). That, in mind, I’m going to expand on it for myself with my knowledge of Eastern medicine practices. Woohoo!!! I’ll post more as I move along.