Freakchylde's

So, I had my evening chat with my ex-lover, the Elf, and actually discussed things. I’ve always loved our chats because it helps to reaffirm who I am. See, we met online, and became quick friends, and even quicker lovers. I didn’t mind, because I needed someone who understood me, and who was there for me at that time in my life. Parting sucked, even though it was known from the beginning that I’d be moving. One of the things we discussed was how much our friendship has grown, in light of the difficulties we faced. Shortly after I moved south, I had to let him go, because of what I had done to him. I shredded every emotion he had with what I had done. Because of all that, I severed all contact for a year because every discussion we had was all the anger and things we never got to say. Added to that, my fiance, at the time, was putting me through hell for what I had done to him, and pretty much pressured me into the sever. After that time, he had cooled down, and so had I. I called off the wedding, the engagement, and then the relationship because I found that in trying to make up for what I had done, I ceased to be who I really am. It made me hate myself because I allowed someone to change who I was just so that person would love me and not constantly remind me of my past. I needed to heal. The constant berating and fights were not good for either of us and it was obvious we’d be happier separated. That was when the Elf and I started talking again. We ended up helping each other through the situations we had encountered and strengthened our friendship. Now, we discuss how much fun we’d have beating each other up, because that was our favourite past-time. It’s also kind of funny, because throughout all the shit that’s gone on in my life, he’s still the person that understands me the most. He commented tonight, about how he’s always considered me to be him, only female. I seconded that because we are so similar. Both of us are free-spirits, not to be caged, and we’re both the most accepting of the other’s decisions. Now, if I could just snag him from Chicago for a stretch of local concerts. That would be way cool.