Month: August 2002

Just got news, one of my babies had to be put down. I don’t know why, I just know it happened. It still hits me hard, even though I haven’t seen them for several years. My Alpine reminds me of him, very furry and always wanting to be snuggled. *sigh* Those cats were the only thing that kept me there, it was hard letting them go to save what was left of me. Pity, that was a choice I had to make, but at least I know they were going to be taken care of. They were the only thing that seriously got treated better than I did, sadly, but it happens. May my baby rest with the Gods and have many mice to chase.

Oh, the joys of written communication. It’s a pity some people are so determined that something is as expansive as their perception of it, without even bothering with the opinions of those involved. *sigh* Thank the gods for vacations.

Well, yesterday I got in touch with myself. Basically, it started during my last class, Therapeutic Skills/ Beliefs. The main activity was not discussing the philosophical debate behind beliefs, it was touch and how that integrates with our own beliefs and the potential effect on our clients. So, for 2 hours I laid on my back, listening to a relaxation CD with my instructor (a Psychologist) leading us through a meditation. During the 1st 30 min, we allowed our bodies to move in the manner they wanted to move, not the manner our conscious mind told them to. It took me a while because I didn’t want to tell my body to move, but it wasn’t going to unless I did. So, I told my cat self to take over, and it did. Basically, the point was to get us out of our head and into our body. The 2cd 30 min was touching various body parts and registering in our conscious mind what our unconscious mind was experiencing and what our bodies were telling themselves through the touch. It was pretty mind-blowing for me. The last 30 min was to sit and absorb and process what we felt and where. I so wanted to break down and cry for awhile, almost did but just couldn’t find the command to allow my body to go ahead and express itself that way. All I wanted to do was to call up my Scotsman and tell him how much I love and appreciate him for being who and what he is, in regards to us. I never realized exactly how much I really focus on my body. I mean, I knew I was self-conscious, but I didn’t realize I was that self-conscious. But, I came to grip with that part of me, and told my body that I didn’t hate it, even though I acted like I did. And asked for its forgiveness for allowing someone else to decide what my body perspective was and believing that perspective. Needless to say, I’m slightly vulnerable right now, in those respects. But that’s why I have cats, and I need to go pay attention to them, then off to sleep.

Vacation update: I’ve finally figured out what I’m doing next week. Spending much needed time with my cats. If you can judge what kind of a parent a person will be by how they treat their animals, then I am a neglecting parent.

I learned one thing: I cannot get frustrated at decisions, which are common, I can only get irritated. Frustration is for inanimate objects whose only choice in life is to do what I make them do. Which means, I get frustrated with myself and irritated with others. End of Story

Well, I’m home sick….I hate the flu. As for updates, if anyone tries to access me from freakchylde.net, I’m currently down because I’m trying to change most of the site over to my server. I’ll find out tomorrow around this time if it worked. So, my fullest apologies to all who miss the Playground for a day.

Weekend was fairly good. Friday, my client didn’t how up or call me, but now he knows that’s what he needs to do when he can’t make it. Went to see Rasputina in concert. It was good, I think Malora takes too many drugs, or does a damn good impression of acting vacant, but the music was still good. Never seen so many Hot Topic goths in one place in my life, thus far. Saturday was decent, it wasn’t as hot as it usually is at work and the day went by pretty fast. Today was pretty slow, woke up late, went food shopping, did some stuff around the house. Tonight looks pretty tame too, I think I’m going to stay in because I have nothing better to do and there’s not much going on any other place I might go to. Who knows, maybe something interesting will pop up, but doubtfully on a Sunday.