Ok, happy Memorial Day to everyone (the army-navy store let us off early). I know I’m the first person to knock our government and its bad decisions in regards to the use of our military….but I’d like to take this time and thank our vets for the sacrifices they’ve made, or have been forced to make, to allow us the freedom that we have. I’d also like to take this time to remind our government of what these men and women have sacrificed and to not make it a waste of their love of country by taking it away from us. I’d also like to thank the vets that didn’t get much thanks, the ones who are still living the nightmare we call Vietnam. While I can’t figure out how to justify the means based on the end, I still think they deserve our thanks the most. They’ve seen what most of us only consider to be a nightmare, and many of them still live it each time they open their eyes. I still don’t fully agree with the concept of modern war, especially when we’re not really doing much but protecting our “interests”, but thanks. We wouldn’t be fighting our government to keep our freedoms if you people hadn’t allowed us to have them in the first place. Tea anyone?

Ok, either I am in serious need to completely decimating some human, who is in desperate need of it, or I just need to hit the gym for a full on, extreme workout. Lately, I’ve been having daydreams of heated arguments, physical fights with someone and various other methods of torturing and/or harming someone. Of course, this just might mean that I am in serious need of a vacation. I’m getting frustrated at my own self for lack of verbal communication skills, lack of conflict resolve, or mainly just too much zen at school. At least I know I could never be a buddhist monk (not just because I’m female). I can’t say my anger is truly directed at any one specific human, but as a result, there are now people I am really going to have to stay away from until I resolve this inner conflict to where I won’t snap their neck upon them looking at me the wrong way. Of course, it could also be because Mercury is in retrograde, yet again, with the exception that I’m not pagan enough to follow that ‘new-agey’ belief. *shrugs* Maybe I do need a slave to order around from time to time. No, that wouldn’t be a good idea, I have too many sadistic tendencies that I might take too much advantage of that kind of situation. My Scotsman figured I just needed to go to the gun range again, but I shot down that idea (no pun intended) because I’m not exerting any physical energy with the exception of taking in the recoil. Also, I might be tempted to take my aim to more public places. I think facing a stone wall and climbing it till I conquer it might help, or taking some time to put the skates on and play a pick up game of hockey at the local rink. I know this is an inner conflict, I’m not sure why I’m having it, or seriously how to resolve it outside of physical exertion within myself. I think I need another vacation from my life, too bad I can’t run off to Europe again. That might be what I need at the moment.

i just posted something similar to a group journal i’m on:

a friend of mine’s daughter recently passed on after a long battle with cancer. i never got a chance to speak with her, but she touched me through her mother and her travel through this life. i miss her. but she is still here with us. in celtic theosophy/ology, it is seen that there is no difference between the mundane and the profane. the gods can act and interact with humans, and vice versa (should the human learn how to ‘see’), the same goes for the otherworld, where the spirits go on to live. so she is still here with us, teaching us, laughing with us, and loving with us. she was a brave young girl. may the gods keep watch.

Man, oh man. I just finished watching a relatively intense episode of Law and Order. I must say that it was well written. Basically, an ex-spec ops kills a foreigner, hides the crime with an explosion and then goes off about the guy being a “sleeper” terrorist and how he should be rewarded for killing the guy. Needless to say, Waterston’s character was well written. His closing argument revolved around how the jury would answer one question: “How much freedoms, as Americans, are we willing to give up for fear?” Very well written, right up my alley in thoughts and beliefs. And on that topic….

Today was also an intense class at school. We went over centering methods and then did some exercises on touch and centering. One of the exercises dealt with walking around the room with our eyes closed, focusing on our breathing and walking (different exercise) and finding people in the room. When we ran into someone, we were supposed to link up with them, arm in arm, and then go find other people. Once we were all linked, the instructor helped us line up so we were touching a person next to us and the person across from us. Then, he began speaking. He told us to remember that, even though we were different from the person we were touching (eyes still closed), we still shared many things. The wanting to love and be loved, the desire for our lives to be meaningful, our desire to help others and be helped by others, and various other aspects of our lives. It was a good reminder that no matter what was going on in our lives, someone with a similar problem would be seeking one of us out for help in dealing with that problem. That no matter what, we needed to be centered, to be there for that person, for us to be focused on that person and what they were saying, and for us to realize that we are not alone in our problems so that we can be there for our clients. It was very humbling and intense. Have I said it was intense yet? We spent 15 minutes in that line, breathing and sending “caring” energy to the person we were touching. Learning to open ourselves up to what others are feeling and open ourselves up to be part of them while they were there with us. Think about it, how often do we see someone, ask them how they’re doing, and actually pay attention to them and listen to what they’re saying and how they’re acting? So, my homework is to actually sit down and focus on at least one person and listen to them, focus on one thing and be there, in that moment, and experience that moment for the experience that it is. I love this!

transformation is complete, new hair colour, last piercing (for now), and a shiny new tongue stud. got to chat with the moonbird today, the pictures turned out much better than i gave myself credit for. and very much a big thanks to a wonderful moonbird for being such an awesome photographer to show me what my body does actually look like. very much appreciated. at any rate, i now have a full pair of elf ears *eg*. went to a local gun show earlier today and got some ideas on what kind of gun i want. found a couple of small ones that at least fit my hand. sometime this week, my scotsman and i are heading to the gun range to try a few out and see what i like. hmmmmmm, not much else to talk about. joked around with my scotsman this morning about “gothy points” and all that fun stuff. i can’t say i’ve ever seriously considered myself to be a goth, or a gothy type person, i’m just freakchylde. that strange mix of almost everything that somehow manages to work. but ya know, i’m starting to be much more comfortable with myself. i’ve been lucky enough to have the two most recent partners who were happy with me being me, acting like me, and dressing like me (thank you thorn and my scotsman!!!!) that seems to make the two before that seem like something out of the ordinary (david and ‘riain’, you’re putzes that don’t need to waste carbon matter with your existances). at any rate, it’s nice being able to start being me again. haven’t been me since i was 17, feels strange, yet oddly nice.

Ok, for lack of care to some certain people….I coloured my hair again last night, black and red (yeah, it’s stereotypical), but that’s not what the first statement was regarding. This is what it was regarding….David, the ex-fiance called me last night because he got pissed, mainly because he’s back in the same spot he always finds himself. At any rate, he felt the need for a bitchfest because his stepson’s father finally decided to break it to him and his “wife” that he’s seeking custody and he’s acting like this man has no right to seek custody. At any rate, I’m officially sick of being the person he bitches to, especially after he had the audacity to not trust me, then have his “wife” running all over a club informing everyone of their marriage. I’m still waiting for him to blame me for everyone knowing. So let me officially state that “EVERYONE ALREADY FUCKING KNOWS BECAUSE YOUR WIFE CAN’T KEEP HER FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!” Ok, my rant is now over.

Ok, life is fun. Today was my first day of school, ordered my massage table in a wonderful doe skin dyed black (sorry animal rights activists, hope you don’t feel like getting a professional massage any time soon). All is well. Got to spend 3 hours for lunch with the 3 terrors, not like they paid any attention to me, but I got the laundry done, as well as cleaning off the porch after last weekend’s rain. The afternoon part of school was good, mainly it was a full on orientation day. Discussed what is expected, did intros so we could all get to know each other, visited the clinic where I’ll do my residency, and all that fun stuff. Last night I got shot by the Moonbird. She’s confident that she got at least a dozen good shots out of the rolls she took of me. Fingers crossed that she’s right. I’m way too self-concious for them not to be. So, sometime in the future, look for me as the “Clue Fairy”, mostly naked with a big stick of wood ready to nail someone, on a card game coming to you named Deleria, or Delerium. I don’t actually remember. And then next month, we gear my Scotsman up to be another card. That will be fun *blows kisses to the Moonbird* You rock bebe.

Ok, so someone finally dreamed up a better campaign against drugs. For those who haven’t enjoyed seeing the commercials, here’s the link www.theantidrug.com. The reason I really like this campaign is because it strikes where it needs to be targeted, the parents. The main advocation is that parents need to be parenting, you know, like asking who, what, where, etc. I love it. This last commercial I saw was great. Had a punk kid ripping to music and getting ready to go out, loose mohawk, piercings, safety pins and everything. As he was leaving the house, his mum asked him who he was going to be out with. In between her question and his answer was the narrator interrupts with “Let kids be who they are”. I like that. *grin*

Ok, Beltaine rocked. My Scotsman was wonderful and so were those in the grove.

In other news, AOL really sucks. They actually hung up on me the first time around. I called to cancel my account, and the “agent” decided to waste my time with telling me about all these “specials” that they had and all this bullshit, like downloading coupons, that would save me money. He wasted so much of my time, even offered me a month free, and then got angry with me because I kept telling him that I don’t use AOL and I have no need for it. Of course, I told him to save AOL’s money by cancelling my account right off instead of the free month. And then I guess he heard my Scotsman in the background saying it would keep AOL from running up the bill that is getting his co-workers laid off. Needless to say, this guy does not belong in customer service. I have never run up against someone so rude, then again, after dealing with AOL “host-guides”, I think it’s just the company culture that breeds it. I mean, look at Steve Case, being an asshole in contagious.